Let me first get this one thing straight. Seeking approval doesn’t make you dramatic or insecure or too sensitive (though it appears like that).
What it actually means is that you’ve never been honest to yourself. You’re so involved in running your life (or work) like a well-oiled machinery that you never saw the small drips.
Your energy is leaking everywhere, and instead of calling it ‘poor energy economics’, you’re busy diagnosing yourself, and others around you, with imaginary emotional disorders.
Compare yourself to your phone battery. You start the day at full charge but by evening, you’re already at less than half.
That’s because you’ve spent half the morning doing things the way people like, being agreeable and pleasant to anyone you’ve crossed on the way, or maybe even spent precious minutes decoding someone’s okay text.
The only person who matters is you. And your approval is what counts.
Time to do an honest audit of your day to see where your energy gets flushed down the great approval toilet bowl.
1. Overthinking a Harmless Comment
Someone says “That’s interesting”, and you go into a loop, replaying the conversation a million times in your mind.
Your brain comes up with a dozen or more alternate endings or things you could’ve said.
Instead of focusing on real tasks, your energy gets diverted into imaginary drama.
Now, what were you saying about not constantly seeking approval?
2. Tailoring Your Choices to Avoid Judgment
Pun intended. Your sartorial choices are the biggest energy dischargers.
Doesn’t matter if you got up late, don’t have time for a few stretches or have to skip breakfast, but you’ll not compromise with the time you spend deciding what to wear.
Between this-or-that, you spend enough time and energy which can leave you exhausted even before the day has begun.
You wanted to wear something, but then the voice of imaginary critics in your head had something else to say. So you change into what’s approved by those opinions.
Energy wasted not on expressing yourself, but on filtering yourself.
3. Checking Likes, Views, Comments Like Your Life Depends on It
And don’t even let me get started on the social media obsession. The constant checking to see the number of likes or views or comment for each of your posts is honestly …scary.
It’s like you’re being controlled by someone else.
You don’t enjoy your day because you’re busy refreshing your stats which neither pay your bills nor help with your promotion.
That energy could’ve been better used to learn a skill. Or complete your work. Or finish your coffee when it’s still hot.
4. Asking 10 People Before Making One Decision
I once had a colleague, a most frustrated and unhappy soul. All she would do was talk about quitting, or changing her job.
She spoke with anyone and everyone about her options if she quit. Got loads of advice, suggestions and ideas.
Till date she’s still there, grinding at the old job, even though it’s been a few years.
Call it weighing options or getting clarity, the truth is it’s a futile exercise unless you decide to take action.
People collect opinions and advice like Pokémon cards, hoping someone will say what you want to hear.
But what do you want to hear? And why do you want to hear it from someone else?
Outsourcing your decisions is a lot of energy diverted from building self-confidence.
5. Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
Saying ‘Yes’ every time can be exhausting, emotionally.
Each time you say ‘Yes’ because you couldn’t get yourself to say ‘No’, or because you didn’t want to displease someone, you’re expending valuable energy which you could’ve used for yourself.
This is fairly common, don’t you agree? You say “Sure, I can do it”, and then spend the next few hours regretting it.
You feel drained by the guilt, and obligation, and people pleasing antics of yours.
Stop pretending to be fine with it. Learn to say “No”. It’s free. Use it generously.
6. Perfecting Everything to Avoid Criticism
Please get off the ‘Mr./Ms Perfect’ mantle. If you look at the high standards you’ve set for yourself, you’ll realise its taking up double of your time, even if it’s a simple task.
You’re going over and over it so no one raises an eyebrow. Great, but will it help if you take too long to do it?
Energy you could’ve used to progress is being used for maintaining your perfect standards.
Get real. It’s important to take action, and not spend hours pondering over every nitty-gritty but no action.
The Real Problem Is Not Insecurity but Energy Leakage
There’s nothing wrong with seeking approval. What’s wrong is giving someone else the leverage over you.
Every time you seek approval, you’re strengthening someone else’s expectations of you. You’re weakening your own identity.
It’s not a moral failure, or indifference, or being self-focused. It’s about mismanagement of your limited resource, your energy.
Become aware about it so you can fix the leaky faucet.
Start With These Tiny Shifts
- Instead of “Do they approve?”, ask yourself “Is this what I want?”
- The world is yours but stop using it as your personal feedback panel.
- Make one decision a day without asking anyone. (You’ll feel empowered!)
- Measure your life with internal metrics, not external applause.
- Keep record of how many minor and major decisions you’ve taken in the day/week/month/year to see the progress you’re making.
Only you can think like you. So, own it and begin taking control of your life. Make the decisions.
Final Truth Bomb
Time to plug the holes. Ask for approvals but don’t let them define you or restrict you.
Once you get into the habit of making your own decisions, prioritising yourself before others, your desperate need for validation will calm down on its own.
You’ll finally discover the energy to build yourself instead of performing for others.
Now ask yourself honestly – do you want to spend your energy on yourself or on maintaining someone else’s expectations?
