I read this simple line somewhere and it stuck with me. That growth is never the same for any two people; it changes with time and place.
Growth is something that impacts different aspects of our lives at different times and different ways.
For a 8-year old it may be to ride a bicycle without the support wheels. Or maybe even become as tall as his brother or father.
Or for a college graduate, to get a job.
It’s about trying to become a better version of yourself. Because the progress is visible.
But then with years, your definition of growth is no longer restricted to the tangible, visible changes.
What happens when your perception of growth is no longer matching with what you see? You find it difficult to accept the changes and move with it.
Growth Doesn’t Look the Same Forever
Ask a child the meaning of growth and they will come up with answers that reflect their persistence.
They want to get better at things. They want to make new friends. They want to do better at studies. They want to become independent.
Each one these requires them to keep trying repeatedly until they reach their goal.
One of my students would fumble whenever we revised the multiplication tables in the class. And every time I asked him to learn them well, he’d confidently tell me that when he grows up he’ll know them better.
It was both cute and funny. For most children, growth is about persistence, becoming better in spite of failed attempts.
Growth From The Young Person’s Perspective
That very same child will look at growth not as persistence but exploration as they become young adults.
Growth will happen by questioning what they’ve been taught and their own experiences.
They may want to try different careers, interests, thought processes, and even relationships. There’s no one way of thinking or doing things.
They’ll keep changing their mind, much to the anguish of their parents. But that’s how they’ll figure out what they want.
Growth for the young adults is often about discovering who they want to become.
Is There Any Growth Happening?
With experiences and age, many find that process of self-discovery becomes introspective in character.
It moves from exploration outside to what can be improved within the self.
You would’ve accumulated skills, won laurels, had many achievements. Yet there’s a voice inside asking you if this is it or is there more you want to do?
Growth means reflection at that stage.
You’re fine with letting go of something. You’re open to relearning and reinventing yourself.
Some of you realise that the years have made you confident about who you are and now you want to make some changes which you feel you’re ready to embrace.
I’ve many friends who have picked up new hobbies which were unthinkable a few years back. From training for the triathlon to learning classical Carnatic singing, travelling solo or even trying a side hustle.
I myself never thought of doing the things I’m doing now, especially online. I had tried to stay away from anything online for the longest time. Yet here I’m now – writing, teaching, learning, and earning.
And that’s growth for me.
Don’t Use an Old Ruler to Measure a New Version of Yourself
And this is where it gets a little complicated if not handled properly. You’re making noticeable progress yet somehow you feel stuck.
It’s simply because you’re using the same parameters to measure your today with what you used yesterday.
But you’ve changed from what you were yesterday. Then, why are you using the same scale?
A young professional may feel he’s falling behind because he’s not reached where he envisioned himself at 25.
A parent may feel personal growth has stopped; only thing growing is the responsibilities.
Someone may feel with ‘mid-life’ approaching rapidly, they need to start over to show they haven’t failed.
Think again. It’s not like growth has stalled or slowed. You’re looking at the progress through the wrong end of the lens.
You need to change how you measure that growth. Measure yourself with a new ruler which is designed for the new version of you.
Of course growth has taken place. The dreams you chased in your 20s, the questions you asked, have evolved. You’ve to stop equating growth with visible evidence.
With age, you think differently. And now your willingness to reinvent yourself becomes the greatest sign of growth. Sometimes it means redefining what it means to you.
It can mean letting go of something or questioning an old belief. Maybe learning something completely new or having the courage to start again.
Change involves both addition and subtraction, reducing rather than accumulating. This awareness by itself is growth.
Change will follow by simply choosing differently because you’ve changed.