What’s the process often suggested for building your confidence? Practice, succeed, repeat. Simple to follow.
It makes sense. The logic is clear. And you’ve seen it happen. With every successful repetition, your competence increases, your skills sharpen and you’ve deeper understanding.
Eventually, the task which felt difficult or intimidating a few reps back, feels easy, doable now. It feels familiar.
That’s when your confidence grows.
But have you ever wondered if it’s possible for your confidence to grow in unpleasant moments? When you faced failure instead of success?
The small everyday missteps or unsuccessful attempts also work on strengthening your confidence.
Remember that plan which quietly collapsed or that presentation that didn’t create the same impact you’d hoped for?
These are not life-altering kind of failures. Yet they teach you something – they teach you to survive them. And that needs confidence.
The Quiet Strength of Failed Repetitions
The first time I was asked to lead the school assembly way back in high school, I made such a mess of it that I swore never to lead anyone, anywhere. Leadership was not for me.
But the Principal had more faith in me than myself and asked me to get up there the next day.
I could see those sly smiles and sniggers but I ploughed through. It was less intimidating, less overwhelming, and less uncomfortable.
That’s when I realised that disappointment doesn’t last forever. The embarrassment lasts as long as you dwell on it. Those mistakes aren’t permanent.
The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you’ll find the fear feels slightly smaller. And it’s not because you’ve some certainty of success but because you now have proof that it is manageable.
That experience taught me something I hadn’t understood before. That resilience evolves alongside confidence.
If the successful repetitions built your competence, it’s the repeated failures which build your resilience.
One builds your ability to do something well; the other builds your ability to continue doing it, even when things don’t go your way.
They’re both necessary. They’re both a part of each other’s existence.
Confidence Is the Memory of Recovery
Confidence appears when you believe in yourself, when you know you’ll find the way forward.
Had I given up on myself that day on the stage, I would’ve missed out a lot in life. The risks I took were because I knew I’d figure it out, one way or the other.
Each failure gave me the insight that helped me reach the right destination. My achievements gave me confidence, while my failures built my resilience.
People who don’t take risks, who never fail, often live in that fear. They dread the thought of facing failure. It feels catastrophic simply because they’ve never experienced recovery.
For those of you who’ve stumbled, collected bits of ourselves and tried again – you carry a different kind of trust in yourselves. You know that failures and setbacks are part of the process of growth, not the end of it.
If you find yourself in a phase where things aren’t working as planned, something inside you tells you that this part will strengthen you.
You’ll try to recollect what worked and use it for your success.
Because you’ve learnt the most important lesson in life: Success will teach you what works and failure will teach you to keep going anyway.
And you’ll survive.
