Have you felt like after you put in all your efforts into doing something and then feeling worse about yourself in the end? Like that time when you went overboard working on the presentation for a new project only to be left out of the team?
It’ll be surprising if you say you’re not familiar with the feeling because each one of us has been in that place at least once in our lifetime, feeling like our efforts weren’t appreciated.
It’s human to want, no actually desire, the approval of others.
Nothing wrong with that except that it must not come at the cost of losing or sacrificing your self-respect. Then it’s the alert for you to seriously reassess your priorities.
The foundation of your identity is based on your self-worth. Compromise that or take it lightly and you’ll feel the consequences.
A diminished sense of self-worth can leave deep psychological consequences. Prioritising the opinions of others, making yourself dependent on others’ views, giving others priority over yourself will diminish your self-worth.
And that can be the most damaging.
So, how do you plan to reclaim your self-respect?
Signs You’re Sacrificing Self-Respect for Approval
Just rewind and review. The scenes will flash before your eyes.
- You’re prompt in apologising even when you’ve done nothing wrong. In your attempt to show yourself as humble or gracious, you’ll be the first to say sorry.
Wouldn’t you rather question the discomfort rather than going into the default “I’m sorry”?
- During discussions you prefer not to voice your opinion because you fear it may offend someone, or someone may not like you for speaking your mind.
When was the last time you spoke and someone took you seriously?
- When someone treats you badly or is disrespectful, you prefer to ignore it. You want to ‘keep the peace’. So you brush it off.
What’s the cost of that ‘peace’?
- Interactions drain you. Trying to please everyone by doing right or by putting them first, you’re ready to be tread on rather than enjoying the experience of being in the company of those who appreciate you.
Did you not feel undervalued then?
If any of these scenarios look familiar, you know what it means.
It’s time for a brutal reality check, being honest with yourself and having more faith in you.
How to Reclaim Your Self-Respect
It’s not easy but it’s not impossible.
- Shift the focus.
- You should be the focus, not others. You should view yourself with equal generosity and confidence.
- You deserve respect but first respect yourself. Take pride in who you are.
- Set boundaries and stick to them. These personal boundaries will let others know where not to cross the line.
- Conduct yourself with dignity. Let your confidence shine through and illuminate your personality.
- Practice saying no without feeling guilty. Accept the fact that you can’t please everyone. The only person whose opinion matters is you. Start off with small steps like turning down extra tasks or declining unnecessary favours.
- Don’t hesitate to express your views or opinions. You’ve your own perspectives and priorities. Let others know about them. Own your contributions unapologetically. If you value your views and opinions, others will too.
- Build yourself respect.
Just as you work daily to improve upon your skill because it’s needed for your work, remember to work on your self-respect at all times.
You don’t have to compromise or modify yourself to fit in. If the price for fitting into a group or getting accepted by others means giving up who you are, then you need to review if you really need to belong there.
Be clear about your opinions and be confident when expressing them.
Don’t encourage disrespect or devaluation even when it’s passed off in jest or friendly banter. If you allow it once, it’ll surely repeat.
- Be prepared for resistance.
Yes, be prepared for resistance. It’s natural. Nobody likes change especially when it’s not in their favour.
You’ve allowed people around you to take you for granted for long. They were the focus all this time.
When you move the attention from them to you, they’ll not like it. Who’s going to pander to their whims now?
Keep persisting. This effort of yours to assert yourself, be heard, take a stand, will help you see who’s really on your side.
Your genuine well-wishers and friends will stay beside you, cheering you, encouraging you, pleased to see you coming into your own.
This will help you to remove the unnecessary baggage (people, vibes, attitude et al) from your mind and life.
Final Words
Self-respect is a muscle and it grows stronger with regular practice.
Unfortunately we tend to overlook it. You’re so caught up running the hamster wheel that all else falls by the roadside.
Your attempts to become the office favourite or the team favourite, makes you want to sacrifice yourself to please others.
I’ve seen this happen to the best of people. Smart, capable, efficient, hardworking colleagues of mine refused to step up and say no. Why? Because it would affect their relations or their career or both. Result – they were the ones working the backside off with extra work piled on them because of their ‘efficiency’.
This condition is self-inflicted due to lack of self-respect while working under the illusion of being indispensable.
Stop kidding yourself. Take pride in who you are. Stand tall and earn the respect you deserve.
Starting tomorrow, take the first step towards reclaiming your self-respect. You’ll feel the difference.