I met an old colleague the other day. A quick catch up over coffee. Talked about this and that and them. And during the conversation she said something that has stalked me since then.
“You should’ve continued, you’d be better off.” It was an off-hand remark but it rattled me.
Better off than who or what?
It left me confused.
When I look around, everyone appears to be moving with intention. Building careers, growing businesses, finding clarity.
Was I falling behind? The self-doubt gnawed my insides for days after that innocent meet up.
I suddenly felt the need to move faster. Made a few quick decisions, pushed myself harder than was necessary, compared timelines with people who had nothing to do with my journey. The comparison was not meant to be. Yet I fell into that trap.
It was exhausting. Draining me emotionally and physically.
As I was reading, I stumbled across something that was like an eyeopener, an uncomfortable realisation.
There was no need for the rushing. Why was I doing it? It’s not like I have something to prove to someone.
I was looking at it all wrong.
Life doesn’t move in a straight line. It pauses, plateaus, changes directions, and sometimes it feels like it’s going nowhere.
Me rushing it or trying to work harder was not going to make any difference to what was happening.
Whether it’s my business or career path or relationships. I’ve to work for it but I can’t dictate the pace.
I needed to look at the phases of stagnation as silent preparation. Not spiral into a panic when there’s a delay; it’s just something I don’t understand, yet.
As James Clear puts it “It’s not a race. You are not ahead. You are not behind. You are here.”
Makes sense now after I’ve got myself together, pulled myself out of the pointless race.
Comparisons pull you out of the present. It makes you measure progress using someone else’s milestones, someone else’s pace, someone else’s path.
And in doing so, it has quietly taken away the only thing I really have. My own experience.
I need to have more trust in my path, my decisions, because no one else can step into my shoes or understand what I’m doing and why.
I need to allow things to unfold at a pace that’s steady. Something I’m comfortable with.
Its only when I came to accept this reality did I finally breathe easy. I wasn’t behind nor was I leading. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
Some things take time to evolve into the reality you want. It’s normal. That’s why they’ll last because they’ve been tested.
I’ve learnt my lesson. Give yourself permission to be where you are, without apology, without panic.
You are not behind. You’re simply living a life that cannot be measured against someone else’s clock.
Maybe growth is about finally arriving where you already are.
