“Can I count on you?”
Five words that form the backbone of any relationship, particularly those of consequence.
Trustworthiness is about showing up when it matters, about keeping promises, about acting with integrity even when no one is watching. It’s not just restricted to telling the truth.
So teaching children about being trustworthy is essential for their personal growth, forming the foundation of their friendships, their future success, and relationships.
Intelligence and talent can only take you so far. But unless you can’t be trusted they’re wasted.
Trust is a two-way street. Teach them to cross wisely.
They’ve to learn to become someone others can trust while also understanding how to trust others. They can’t confuse trust and blind faith.
Teaching Kids to Be Trustworthy
Becoming trustworthy is a gradual process built through every day actions. Children will pick the nuances by watching you. So guide them well.
Remind them to act with honour. Provide them opportunities to practice.
1. The Power of Honesty
Honesty is the root of trust. Asking to speak the truth is not enough. Build their confidence. Even if its uncomfortable, the best thing to do is speak the truth.
I started giving my students a star every time they spoke the truth. This built their confidence. And gradually without them realising, they would speak the truth without fear.
Instead of punishing them, I would ask them to tell the class what happened, what shouldn’t have happened, and how they’re going to correct it.
This taught them responsibility and accountability.
A lie corrodes trust over time. Truth, no matter how small, builds the foundation of respect.
2. Reliability in Everyday Life
Trust builds up through reliability. It’s the quiet consistency of doing the boring stuff.
Like doing the chores, finishing homework, feeding the pet, or even keeping a secret.
They see how this reliability builds respect. The more reliable they become, the more they gain the respect of others.
How effective is getting angry, reprimanding, or guilt tripping when your child doesn’t finish their homework regularly?
Instead what if you take away some of the privileges they enjoy? If promises are broken, privileges are paused.
Clear cause and effect. And that’s how they’ll they learn that unreliability comes with a cost.
3. The Weight of a Promise
“I’ll do it tomorrow,” or “I won’t tell anyone.”
How many times have you heard your child say that, without realising the weight behind them.
Children need to understand that it’s not just a casual phrase but something more serious.
When they keep their word, even for small things, they begin to understand that promises mean something.
That they’re not empty words but help forge deep bonds. It’s a commitment to the other person.
Breaking a promise chips away their credibility, their reliability, and their trustworthiness.
The Danger of Blind Trust
Now the twist in the tale. How do you teach them to become trustworthy but without trusting everyone blindly. Confusing for the child to get that, don’t you think?
Your role is to guide them through this. Protecting their innocence while preparing them for reality.
1. Recognising the Red Flags
Teach them about the red flags. Help them notice patterns of unreliable behaviour like broken promises, manipulation, secrecy.
Trust isn’t lost because of one mistake. It’s lost when such behaviours repeat themselves, and unreliability becomes a habit.
Show them how to recognise such patterns of untrustworthy behaviours and choose caution without turning suspicious.
2. Healthy Scepticism vs. Cynicism
Teaching this is a balancing act. Too much of scepticism makes them cynical but too little leads to gullibility.
The goal is to raise children who don’t go about suspecting everyone, but evaluate trust wisely.
Remember the time your child came home crying hurt because someone broke their promise?
That’s the time to talk to them about this. Just don’t overwhelm them with strong and biased opinions.
Sounds harsh but letting them face small disappointments and broken promises early on strengthens their resilience and allows them to practice evaluating the trust factor.
3. Rebuilding Trust
Remember the waterworks when the BFF told others in the park what was supposed to be secret? That’s their first encounter with trust-breaking.
So what do you tell them then – cut people off, don’t trust others, or to just forgive and move on?
There’s no straightforward response. The answer is nuanced.
Trust once broken is hard to repair. Agreed. But is it impossible? No.
Children need to be taught that trust can be restored through forgiveness and second chances BUT it must be earned. Rebuilding takes effort and consistency.
This lesson will help them set compassion and boundaries. They’ll know where to draw the line and also be empathetic.
Modelling Trustworthiness as Parents
The best way to teach the children about trustworthiness is through practicing what you’re preaching.
Children mirror what they see. If you treat your promises casually then that’s what they’ll learn.
If every weekend you promise you teach them to ride a cycle or take them to the park but don’t, then they learn that unreliability is acceptable.
They learn not to value the given word.
But when you show up on time or apologise for making a mistake shows them that they’re important. And what you say, matters to you too.
It’s then that they’ll learn to honour their word, become reliable and, in the long run, trustworthy.
The Takeaway: Balance Is Everything
Growing up is no fun if you’ve to always keep watching your back and go alone.
Teaching children about trust and showing them how to become trustworthy is necessary for their overall growth and development.
It also teaches them about values like honesty, reliability and integrity, while also equipping them with the wisdom to protect themselves.
It’s about walking the tightrope.
- Keeping your word, but not to give it lightly.
- Trusting others, but noticing repeated let downs.
- Forgiving mistakes, but setting boundaries against betrayal.
It’s about learning to stand firm with their own values but also encouraging others to practice it. That’s integrity.
So, what one promise will you make today, and truly keep it?
