They were all adults, professionals at various stages on the corporate ladder. Yet every time one of them wanted to say something, they would begin with that one word that conveyed much more than intended.
“Sorry for interrupting you.”
“Sorry for asking.”
“Sorry, but I wanted to say something.”
These apologies were unnecessary.
What struck me was the frequent use of the word “Sorry”. The assumption that the question, opinion, request, or even their presence was somehow an inconvenience and needed apologising for.
I always assumed language was a medium to express our thoughts. But now I realise, it also shapes them.
You’ll notice some words you use more frequently when you communicate. If you think about it, you’ll see that they reflect how you see yourself.
By regularly starting a response with ‘sorry’, you’re telling others, and yourself, not to take you seriously, that you can place less value on what you say.
The Quiet Ways We Diminish Ourselves
It’s often unintentional, something that you end up saying instinctively without a thought.
You want to soften your tone or statement to be polite. Or you feel the need to over-explain to avoid conflict. You decide to apologise pre-emptively before the other can judge you.
But in your attempt to play it safe, you’re diminishing your value. That courtesy becomes self-erasure.
So instead of saying, “I’d like to add something,” you end up saying, “This may be a silly idea, but…”
You apologise when you’re late when you could’ve said, “Thank you for waiting.”
The difference is so subtle that it gets ignored, but what it conveys can’t. One response conveys confidence in yourself, while the other communicates your low self-worth.
And that’s not what you intended to communicate, did you?
Reclaiming Your Voice
Speaking with confidence doesn’t mean you’ve to be loud or aggressive or demanding. It can get interpreted as being rude.
Communication places value on your thoughts and how you express them, not the decibels it’s delivered with.
I’ve a friend who has the softest of voices, yet she commands the room with the way she speaks – clear and confident. Have hardly ever heard her apologise or justify herself.
So, the next time you speak, express your opinion without immediately withdrawing it or devaluing it. Ask your question without apologising. Or contribute without seeking permission first.
It may not look like much, but they will create a significant shift in your identity. Your presence will be noticed. So will your words.
Repeated language becomes repeated identity.
Your words are teaching people how to value you. Be careful of what words you repeat every day.
Words don’t just shape the conversation. They shape your sense of worth.
