Just count the number of times you’ve already used the word sorry today when you speak with others.
Sorry is like the go-to word, be it for apologising or excusing oneself or anything else in between.
Why do you need to depend on it so heavily to get through the interactions? It’s a detrimental mindset.
Over-apologising has become an unconscious habit that has been etched into the mindset that it’s almost like a reflexive reaction to anything.
And women are more likely to be prompt with saying Sorry because they’re conditioned to maintain harmony.
Saying Sorry is the defence mechanism you use to avoid confrontation or any form of unpleasantness. Better say sorry and get it over with rather than figure out what’s happening.
And do you know what’s happening due to this mindless reaction?
The Cost of Over-Apologising
If your first reaction is to say sorry, then it shows you in a poor light. It shows your lack of confidence and belief in your actions.
It’s not like you’re always in the wrong. But by assuming you’re at fault or by under valuing your contribution, you’re telling others that you’re insecure, you lack conviction and you’re ready to give in.
Not good for your personal growth.
If you constantly cave-in, you’re setting the wrong precedent where others will expect (and slowly demand) constant concessions from you.
And you’ll be left with diminished self-worth. You begin losing your self-respect and confidence.
Take charge of the situation before it gets out of hand by setting boundaries.
Rephrase your responses. Give yourself more credit and be confident of your decisions.
Questioning the Need to Apologise
The first step to breaking this habit is by creating awareness. Breaking free of this vicious cycle needs you to be intentionally aware of why you’re saying Sorry.
Be conscious of this societal conditioning which equates apologising with politeness.
That’s not the real truth.
Apologising is a part of being polite where you apologise and accept your mistake; you don’t have to apologise for others or their mistakes or shortcomings.
Next time you’re about to say Sorry, pause and think – Are you at fault? What are you saying sorry for?
Being aware yourself and letting others know is both essential and powerful.
Reclaiming Your Voice and Dignity
After years and years of conditioning, it becomes a little difficult to break out of these spontaneous response to any uncomfortable situation by saying Sorry.
Try rephrasing the responses.
“Sorry I didn’t get you.” – replace it with “Can you please repeat yourself? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Sorry, I am late.” – try saying “Thank you for waiting for me.”
When you want to interrupt someone, you could say, “May I add something?” instead of Sorry.
This simple art of rephrasing is giving out a strong message to the listener – that you value yourself, that you’re confident about yourself.
It asserts your position and contributions rather than diminishing their value.
It rebuilds your self-worth and reshapes your mindset.
Your Existence Is Not an Inconvenience
Over-apologizing isn’t politeness; it’s self-minimisation. It stems from deeply ingrained habits, shaped by a mix of social norms and personal fears.
By questioning the habit and accepting the discomfort connected with it, you can begin your journey of rebuilding yourself, your confidence and value.
Be assertive not apologetic.
Of course, accept your mistakes and faults and say Sorry when required, but not otherwise and certainly not for others.
Empower yourself.
Remember that your existence is not an inconvenience. Stop apologising for it and start owning it.
