Boys don’t cry, or don’t cry like a girl.
Don’t tell me you haven’t heard such statements before?
These words are so often used that you rarely pause to think about their impact. These messages shape how they see emotions from a young age.
For generations, masculinity has been associated with stoicism – unemotional, tough, self-reliant. Emotions were seen as signs of weakness.
Boys grow up burdened by expectations from parents and society. The need to stick to the society approved behaviour, attitudes, choices and ideas creates a template for them from childhood. They’re forced to suppress their vulnerability and conform to rigid expectations.
One day during the games class, a student fell and hurt himself. When the 7 year old began crying, his friends laughed and jeered, He’s crying like a girl!.
That’s the kind of societal expectations that they grow up with. Expressing emotions is unfairly dismissed as a weakness or ‘unmanly’.
With such pressures, no wonder boys resist the development of emotional intelligence. Or rather the parents, caregivers, teachers and other adults ignore nurturing emotional intelligence in boys. This leads to the incomplete growth of their personality.
Emotional intelligence is not a weakness but a powerful tool for building resilience and forming meaningful relationships.
Understanding The Importance of Emotional Intelligence (EI) for Boys
Nurturing emotional intelligence from an early age is essential for their balanced growth. It develops their ability to recognise understand and manage their emotions. It also enables them to learn to empathise with others.
Emotional intelligence goes beyond emotions; it also includes –
- self-awareness
- self-control
- empathy
- social skills, and
- motivation
These are aspects of one’s personality which ensure they, irrespective of whether boys or girls, grow up into well balanced adults.
It’s important that the parents and teachers focus on developing these components of their personality in the boys.
By breaking the misconception around these, they can create a healthy attitude.
Teach them how learning to be self-aware or being sympathetic, makes them stronger.
Discuss that by practicing self-control, they can control their aggressive behaviour and reduce conflicts.
With this self-control, they can now channelize their energy and boost their academic and career prospects.
By working on their social skills, they’ll improve their communication and collaborative skills also. Be it the school, college or office, they’ll be more capable of leading others.
Their ability to be empathetic will allow them to create a balanced sense of masculinity. They’ll no longer be embarrassed or ashamed of appearing vulnerable.
Let them know that it’s okay to express their emotions, and even cry.
Steps to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Boys
It’s not too late. Centuries of cultural conditioning can’t be undone in a few weeks or months.
But by constantly encouraging and focusing on their emotional intelligence, changes can be brought about.
There’s a need to focus on this aspect so that they can build healthier relationships with family and peers, without appearing disconnected or emotionally distant.
- Create safe spaces at home and school for boys to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This will encourage open conversations.
- Become a role model and show boys how to manage emotions by demonstrating empathy, self-control, and effective communication.
- It’s not their fault if they can’t express what they’re feeling. Help boys name and identify their feelings, improving their emotional vocabulary and turning vague frustrations into manageable emotions.
- Let them see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Encourage boys to step into others’ shoes by discussing perspectives and understanding different emotions.
- Leverage books and movies with emotionally intelligent male characters to inspire boys.
- Teach stress management through mindfulness, journaling, or creative outlets like art and sports so that they learn about healthy coping mechanisms.
Transformative Moment
Winds of change are slowly building up. More and more parents are undoing the damage of misdirected social expectations.
When my friend’s son reached puberty, she talked to him not only about what he should expect, but also about what the girls experience. This broke the taboo around speaking about mensuration with the boys.
The result? A more sensitive, caring, empathetic and emotionally aware young man today. He doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations involving emotions with his peers, male or female.
Parents need to focus on teaching the boys to manage their emotions instead of blaming it on hormones or overusing the cliché “Boys will be boys.”
Talk to them regularly. Listen to what they’re trying to say. Help them express and validate their emotions.
Praise them for displaying emotional maturity when they do.
Be a supportive mentor. Show them they can be a ‘man’ even when they are emotional. Remember how Novak Djokovic broke down after one of the matches? On camera, before a crowd of millions (online and offline)?
Parents must prioritise emotional intelligence to foster future fathers, friends and fearless leaders.
Finally, Building a Better Future for Boys
Boys will grow up to be men. But wouldn’t it be a better if the emotionally intelligent boys grow up into compassionate, strong and balanced men?
The world doesn’t need any more emotionally repressed men; it needs strong, compassionate and self-aware leaders.
Developing the emotional intelligence in boys will equip them to deal with emotions, and help them to create a well-developed personality.
Parents, educators and caregivers – it’s time to release them from the shackles of conventional stereotypes and give the boys the tools to embrace their emotions and vulnerability; in short, their complete personality.
It’s only going to lead to a happier, healthier and fulfilling life.
