‘No’. That one word can change everything.
Learning to say it correctly is important to reduce the negative ring to it.
It’s an underrated skill. No one likes to hear a No so no one learns to say it properly.
But children need to learn it to be able to set boundaries and assert themselves. This is essential to protect them.
‘No’ is a powerful word, capable of building their confidence, reinforcing their self-worth. But that one little word is equally capable of destroying it all.
Setting Boundaries
The first step is to teach about setting boundaries.
Of course, they know how to say no even before they learn to talk. But saying No becomes their first step to setting up those boundaries. Be it their personal space, feelings, needs or even time.
It’s frustrating when they say No to this food or that activity, this dress or that hug. But have you ever thought about it from their point of view?
It’s their way of asserting themselves, taking ownership of their lives.
How we react to these is what builds their confidence, their sense of worth, about their decisions.
Being Assertive Or Just Plain Stubborn?
There’s a fine distinction between the two.
Being assertive requires the child to be aware of their choices along with the reasons for them. They’re being just plain stubborn when they insist on something for no rhyme or reason.
If you want to teach your child about being assertive then you’ll have to begin with teaching them to say No politely, without being rude or dismissive.
For others to take them seriously and accept their limits, they’ve to learn to communicate their decision clearly and confidently.
This is something that they’ll learn with practice. Their self-esteem gets a boost when they see that their opinions matter, that they control their choices.
As a parent, you’ll have to practice such responses so they can watch and learn.
Also, they’ll understand that it’s okay if someone doesn’t agree with them as long as they’re comfortable and confident about their decision.
Impact On Their Well-Being
Believe me when I say that in their effort to please you, children experience a lot of stress.
That’s not fair, putting them through all that.
To protect them from feeling overwhelmed or stressed, make it a priority to teach them how to say No or avoid a conflict.
They shouldn’t feel pressured to say yes to avoid unpleasantness or appearing disagreeable.
It can lead to them feeling anxious or even confused about their identity. Things like are they doing it because you want it or for themselves? Avoid such situations which can cause them such dilemmas.
Give them options – choose this or that. This way they feel like they get to accept or decline according to their choice.
I often used this in the classroom, making the students feel like they had a say in deciding what they wanted to do and rejecting what they didn’t.
Start off early so they gradually build up this skill over time with practice.
The ‘How’ of The Process
- Build up this skill by practicing it yourself. Let them watch and learn.
- Let them express their feelings or choices. Then ask them to validate it – why did they say no, what’s the reason for declining something? This will get them to think before making a decision.
- Talk to them about their decisions. They won’t always be right or they might just be doing it to impress you. Explain the implications of their decisions.
- Praise and acknowledge when they get it right. It will motivate them to continue with the practice.
I know, sounds like a lot of work but perfection needs practice.
As parents, you focus on building up so many skills in the children. But the more obvious ones often get left out.
And learning to say No is one of them.
It’s an essential skill that empowers them and protects them from getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise.
By helping them to establish boundaries, you’re helping them build their confidence and self-identity.
