Being polite is not a character flaw.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak or meek or timid. Nor does it mean you can be pushed aside or walked over.
If anything, being polite shows a strength of character, a quiet confidence which doesn’t shout to be heard.
It’s an undervalued and often ignored skill which can easily build bridges and help you make connections. It can assist you get to your goals faster in ways that are positive and healthy.
The problem with the fast paced world is it’s easy to confuse politeness with shrinking ourselves into insignificant versions of ourselves, where we place ourselves in secondary position.
It’s time to be unapologetic about being polite.
Politeness vs. People-Pleasing: Where’s the Line?
Let’s begin at the beginning. Politeness is about being respectful.
It’s nothing to do with people pleasing or being agreeable to all. It’s an incorrect assumption that to be good, you’ve to agree with everyone.
Real kindness doesn’t require you to fold yourself up like a paper crane.
There’s an epidemic sweeping through humanity which requires you to apologise for everything. ‘Sorry’ has become the go-to word for just breathing.
Just count the number of times you’ve said sorry through the day. Did you apologise for a mistake you actually made, or was it the opening of most of your sentences?
The over-apologising can damage your self-worth. People will begin to take your ‘politeness’ for granted and your silence as normal.
Bet you never thought of this from this perspective? Happens.
The Psychological Cost of Chronic Apologies
Honestly, it’s not just you; it’s an all too common affliction most of us suffer from.
It has to do with the years of social conditioning. You’re told to agree with everyone to be likeable.
What you don’t realise is that every time you say ‘sorry’ unnecessarily, your confidence shrinks; you get delegated beneath someone else.
Your language undergoes a change as you no longer express yourself with freedom, but with words that are acceptable to others.
This over-apologising is more noticeable with women and teens because they’re more socially conditioned to be acquiescent and agreeable and docile.
Mind you, the world will survive without your over-apologising.
What to Say Instead of “Sorry”
So how can you stay polite without melting into a puddle? Simple. Rephrase your sentences.
Replace “Sorry, I didn’t understand” with “Could you clarify that for me?”. Or maybe “Sorry, just a quick question” with “If I can ask a quick question?”.
You’re late for an appointment. Don’t go saying “Sorry, Sorry!” to everyone. Try “Thank you for your patience.”
See, you got your point across politely. Not an offensive or rude word. Elegantly done!
Remember that thank you communicates appreciation, while sorry tells them you’re feeling guilty. Avoid transmitting negative thoughts or feelings.
But Isn’t Apologising Good?
Of course, apologising is good and required. But only when you’re in the wrong or have done something wrong.
Like if you’ve hurt someone or knocked over a lamp, apologise. But apologising for asking a question or stating your opinion? No, never.
Haven’t you noticed how over-apologising dulls the impact of real apologies?
I mean if “Sorry” becomes the prefix for most of your sentence, then when it truly matters it won’t carry the same weight.
That’s why its pertinent to teach this skill to the children at the earliest. Let them learn to speak politely yet confidently.
They don’t have to seek permission to speak their mind without giving up their self-esteem.
Assist them to learn assertive language and polite speech. Practice it at home or school regularly so it becomes a part of their personality.
That’s how confidence grows early.
Take Up Space, But With Grace
There’s enough loud, crass and rude talk around. It would be fun to watch the youngsters speak a sentence without using cuss-words! It’s becoming acceptable to speak this way.
But I don’t accept it. Politeness shows you care, you understand, and most importantly that you respect the other person.
Also, somehow not being able to speak politely shows a lack of self-confidence; as if the person’s hiding behind that aggressive language to cover up.
But either ways, it’s a major turn-off.
So, if you want more people to connect with you, would be good starting point to practice speaking politely.
