15 Ways to Help Them Stand Up to Peer Pressure
That’s the nightmare every teenager’s parents hope they’ll be spared of. But that’s not happening.
The consolation is remembering the wonderful years of their childhood; the sunshine years with them growing up with gay abandon, scraped knees and wild imagination.
Not anymore.
Do you know that even children as young as six face peer pressure?
Peer pressure is no longer restricted to the teenagers. It begins alarmingly early, way too early, before you can even see it coming. I had parents asking for guidance for dealing with this for their 7-8 year olds.
What can I say to them other than ‘Welcome to the new reality’?
Peer pressure is like Dr Jekyll and Hyde, a split persona. It has a good and a bad part.
Positive impact of peer pressure can lead to healthy competition between friends, motivating each other to push their limits and aim for excellence.
Unfortunately, the negative impacts often overshadow the benefits or good impacts.
Either ways, peer pressure is a reality every child faces. Studies show that 90% of teens admit to getting influenced by peer pressure, and 28% have done something they weren’t comfortable with just to fit in.
With the right kind of tools, it’s possible for parents and educators to help the child deal with it.
1. Teach Them to Recognize Peer Pressure
Awareness is the first step. Peer pressure can be in the form of direct verbal persuasion (“You’ve to come with us” or “You’ve to do it”), or indirect (when the child wants to fit in), especially when they’re in a new environment.
Like at new school, if the child notices that most classmates wear a certain brand of shoes, they may feel the need to do the same. That’s indirect pressure.
Talk to them about recognising such pressures and how they can deal with them.
2. Encourage Strong Self-Identity
A child who knows their value, is clear about their interests, is less likely to follow the crowd.
The sense of identity gives them the strength to remain unaffected.
For this, ensure that you support their individuality. Let them pursue their interests and explore their passions.
3. Model Assertiveness
Teach them to be assertive, without being aggressive. They must know how to say “no” firmly and respectfully, taking care not to get offensive or rude.
Show them how to do it by practicing it yourself. They will learn better by watching you.
4. Role-Play Difficult Scenarios
Before moving to a new school or a new locality or joining a new class, prepare them about what to expect.
Discuss the probable peer pressure situations and talk to them about it.
Being prepared helps them to be ready to deal with whatever happens.
5. Strengthen Their Decision-Making Skills
Learning to make decisions helps them to pause and think before taking any action.
Show them how by asking themselves a few questions, like “Is it helpful/useful/needed?” or “Will I be comfortable doing it?”, can help them to make the correct decision.
6. Build a Strong Support System
Whether at home or away, the support system is what provides them with a safety net.
Encourage them to make friends with like-minded kids who shares similar backgrounds or interests.
The commonality will make settling in easier.
7. Teach the Power of “No”
Learning to say “no” without stepping on toes or offending the other person is a skill. Teach the kids to say “no” now can prevent regret later.
Show the different ways of refusing something other than by a plain “no”. Diverting the topic, making a funny remark or a joke to distract, or walking away, can be some effective ways to refuse politely.
8. Help Them Handle the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Stress that saying “no” doesn’t mean breaking ties. FOMO often pushes the kids into agreeing to things they don’t feel comfortable with.
Explain that real friends will respect them and their choices; that they don’t have to follow every trend to feel accepted.
9. Encourage Open Conversations
The home should be their safe haven. A place where they can talk freely without fear of judgement or repercussions.
Create a secure environment for them to be able to speak freely about their fears, peers, struggles and pressures.
10. Boost Their Confidence
Work on building self-confidence in children. Let it not be dependent on their grades or achievements.
Focus on their strengths. Encourage small wins and support them in their various pursuits. Build their independence by allowing them age appropriate choices.
If they love drawing, praise their progress rather than comparing them to others or expecting Van Gogh level works.
11. Teach Them How to Exit Uncomfortable Situations
This is important and necessary.
If they find themselves in a sticky or uncomfortable situation, how do they get out of it?
Discuss probable situations and strategies with your child. Like having a pre-decided excuse, or calling a trusted adult, or in extreme cases, using a “safe-word” to signal distress.
Have you decided on the “safe word” with your child? If not, do it immediately.
12. Discuss the Impact of Consequences
In spite of all the precautions and preparations, sometimes they do end up making wrong choices. Help them by discussing the consequences.
“If this is your decision, then this happens.”
Let them understand the long term impacts. They haven’t thought that far ahead, so it works as an eye opener.
Show them that a single bad decision can shape their future. Maybe even impact their future prospects like college admissions or jobs.
13. Encourage Leadership, Not Just Followership
If your child is independent and confident, they’ll be able to lead by example. They’ll be able to create a positive impact on their peers. Maybe even lead a few away from the negative pressures.
Encourage your child to lead with confidence.
14. Educate Them on Digital Peer Pressure
No point blaming the digital or social media for all their mistakes.
Talk to them about it, about impacts of popular trends, about setting boundaries and filters, about questioning popular trends.
Talk to them with an open mind and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.
15. Let Them Know They’re Never Alone
Their confidence comes from knowing you’re there for them. Make sure they know that.
Educators must build that connection with their students that they feel comfortable approaching them when faced with a difficulty.
Final Thoughts
Peer pressure is a given. Sometimes it takes a negative turn and gets toxic. But most of the times, it creates invisible bonds between the children.
Identify such bonds and nurture them.
Prepare your child by regularly talking to them so they’re able to clear their doubts.
Encourage critical and independent thinking so they can identify negative influences by themselves.
Assure them that it’s more important that the choices they make must align to their beliefs and values, and not a selected few they are trying to impress. It will be better in the long run.
How do you help your child navigate peer pressure? Share your experiences in the comments. It can help someone!
