Have you ever tried to fly a kite?
If yes, then you know that the success depends on you constantly changing the tension of the string.
Well, parenting is no different. You’ve to find the perfect balance between how much controlling and freedom you want your child to have.
Overparenting can stifle the growth of the child. I’ve seen quite a few helicopter parents as a teacher. Managing every waking moment of the child, from the time they wake up to what they’ll eat, who will be their friends, what activities they can take part in. You get the picture, don’t you? This is scary.
You’re a parent, not a ring master. Loving your child does not mean controlling them with no freedom.
For a child to have a well-rounded personality and an opportunity to grow into an well-developed individual, parents need to step back and let their child explore.
You wouldn’t believe the number of benefits there are of giving your child some breathing space.
Benefits of Giving Children Autonomy
- Improved Ability to Solve Problems: Children will learn to deal with challenges and tackle problems by themselves. They’ll be forced to think independently when not overwhelmed by your presence.
- Increased Confidence: By being by themselves, they’ll discover their own strengths and abilities. This will build their self-confidence and value for their own capabilities.
- Better Decision-Making: Children will learn to make decisions by themselves. May not always be correct but making mistakes is part of growing up. They’ll understand the choices and its consequences.
- Stronger Motivation: They understand that they’re responsible and hence will feel more engaged and motivated. Their intrinsic motivation increases, helping them to keep moving.
- Builds Resilience: Facing challenges, making their decisions and feeling responsible for the outcomes develops their resilience. Bouncing back becomes a part of who they are.
- Healthier Relationships: Without you picking their friends for them, they become adept in navigating their social environment. They learn to make friends. Their social interactions improve as their empathy develops.
- Greater Creativity: Their independence provides them with the opportunities to explore and get creative with their thinking. This fosters innovation and originality. They feel empowered to experiment, no longer deterred by your reaction.
- Develops Emotional Intelligence: The autonomy gives the children a chance to grow up understanding their emotions and learning how to express them. This is essential for their mental health.
Finding the Balance
It’s now for you as the parent to understand the need to let go of the reins.
You’ve to find the middle ground which is comfortable to both you and your child.
- Set Boundaries: You can discuss with your child and set reasonable boundaries within which they will function. Prepare a list of Dos and Don’ts for better clarity.
- Encourage Independence: Gradually build the levels of responsibility for their child, keeping them age appropriate. This will get them used to the idea of being independent and building their abilities.
- Support, Don’t Control: You are and will always be their biggest support. Let them know that by letting them make their own decisions. If you feel it’s going out of hand, guide them, give suggestions, offer advice and let them arrive at the correct decision by themselves.
- Foster Open Communication: Always have an open line of communication. No beating around the bush. Let them understand your point of view. This will encourage them to discuss every challenge.
- Model Behaviour: And finally be the role model. Show them how to balance their independence and take responsibility for their actions. They will learn more by watching you.
Parenting is as much fun as it is challenging. And accepting that your child is growing up is hard.
But remember it’s your responsibility to prepare them for the world outside.
Teach them to be independent. Trust them to manage on their own. It will build their confidence in themselves and in you. They’ll know you’re their safety net.
And when they do well, it’s a reflection of your amazing parenting; you’ve taught them well.
