Have you seen Tom and Jerry?
That’s the relationship siblings have with each other; they can’t be around each other yet they need each other in their lives!
It’s an exasperatingly complicated relationship.
Their different personalities set the tone for the family dynamics.
It is the responsibility of the parents to nurture a healthy sibling relationship during the childhood to ensure a harmonious future.
Understanding Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is a form of competition. Like survival of the fittest but not for survival. It’s for asserting dominance among siblings, and the love and attention of the parents.
Each child in the family, irrespective of their ‘rank’, has to strike a balance with the rest of the brood.
It’s a healthy competition most of the time and is an important part of the sibling development.
Sibling rivalry is more common between children of the same gender and who are close together in age.
It is more prevalent in the younger growing up years; the fights start declining as they grow up, learning more skills, and developing their understanding of people.
The intensity of the rivalry is determined by the individual personalities of the siblings and their relationships dynamics with one another. The extrovert sibling will have an upper hand in the social settings, while a taller or stronger sibling will be able to dominate in physical activities.
Parents must be careful about not causing a divide by taking sides. Like, supporting the youngest child irrespective of the nature of the conflict. This can lead to jealousy or envy or repressed resentment.
Practical Strategies for Mediation
For all those parents who want to be involved in resolving the conflict, a fair warning to just stay out!
Sibling rivalry is the first instance of the children learning about social dynamics, managing conflicts, teamwork, and cooperation.
Let them work it out by themselves.
Your involvement can instead complicate matters as you will be required to take sides, and that may not be acceptable by the others.
Imagine a scene where the children are fighting over which program to watch.
How you deal with the situation is up to you, but there are 2 effective ways of addressing the intense situation.
One, you separate them, calm them down, then ask them to work out a mutually acceptable solution. This allows them an opportunity to think and figure out what’s best for them.
Or the other way is for you to give an unbiased ruling where all of them, irrespective of their level of involvement, will face the same consequences.
Just a single line from you – “Either you decide which program to watch together, or I switch off the TV!”
There will be an uproar at the injustice of it all, but they will quickly realise the advantage of working it out by themselves.
Matter closed.
The earlier they learn about problem-solving skills, compromising, and empathy, the earlier they will learn to get along with others.
Encouraging Cooperation
As siblings, to expect them to be cooperative, an epitome of teamwork is asking for too much.
The inherent jealousy, envy and competition will make them more suitable to be fierce competitors than teammates.
It’s for the parents to work on smoothening the ruffled feathers sensitively and getting them to work together.
Like ask them to lay the table together, or any other age-appropriate task. Lay the ground rules, what’s expected from them, and then step back.
Or you can play team games, with the children in one team and you in the other. This is a fun way to foster camaraderie.
By allowing them to work the rough spots, you not only will encourage cooperation and teamwork, but also build their communication skills. This will help them in later years as the go through life as adults.
Nurturing Positive Relationships
Every parent hopes to see a beautiful bond between the children where they get along with each other, share their things without killing each other, or speak nicely rather than tattling or name calling.
All this can happen but needs some work to be put in by you, the parents.
To build a strong, positive relationship among the siblings, you’ve to ensure that you create an environment of open communication, empathy, and mutual respect.
Each child needs to feel confident of your love and support, that you’ll not take sides or be partial. This is more so after the arrival of a new-born, when the older child feels threatened and displaced.
This confidence is what provides a sense of calm to the unrest in their minds. And once that’s sorted, they’ll be more generous and loving with the other siblings.
Create happy memories with family outings and special traditions. Encourage the siblings to spend time together, without you, to allow them to bond.
These are small steps but needed to reinforce their confidence about their place in your life.
Conclusion
Sibling rivalry is as much about the relationship shared by the siblings, as it is about the family environment and values. A healthy family environment will ensure children grow up feeling secure and don’t have to assert their place or position.
Proactive parenting will help to foster healthy sibling relationships.
Encourage open communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills to promote harmony and mutual support among siblings.
