Anytime I tell my mother about some parenting experience of mine, her standard response is – It was so easy when you were kids!
So much for having a supportive mother.
Many from the past generations feel this way. But times and parenting, like all else, has undergone tremendous changes. Forget the gap in the generations, I find it differs even with my friends who have had kids a little later.
It has to keep up with the changing social parameters which are influenced by the social, cultural and psychological factors.
Parenting is no longer a relationship between a parent and a child but so much more.
Traditional Parenting Methods
The traditional parenting methods appear so archaic that there are times when I narrate some instant from my childhood, my own kids give me that incredulous look, like “Really?!”
Yes, the kids give the ‘look’ now. Earlier one ‘look’ from the parent settled all disputes, got us back on track and sent shivers down the spine if it lasted a second longer than usual.
The traditional parenting style was authority centred. And there were no doubts about who had the authority. The focus was on control, strict rules and obedience.
Emphasis was on discipline as children were judged on how they conducted themselves at all times. And that was the benchmark for being a good and effective parent.
Also with the larger family sizes, I guess it worked to have one rule for all.
But because of that there were some limitations, like the possibility of fear compliance, lack of emotional bonding, and developing one to one connections.
Shifts in Parenting
Things are different now. Parenting has moved from authority and control to building relationships.
The goals remain the same yet the methods have evolved. Now it’s about raising obedient children who are emotionally intelligent and independent thinkers.
Focus is on the parents building a relation based on trust and open communication with their kids. They want to understand the child’s perspective instead of just expecting them to follow instructions.
Approaches like active listening, participating and being involved in their lives, doing things together, and helping the children to make their own decisions is changing the equation between the parents and children.
And it’s all for the better
Why Are These Changes Happening?
What’s making the parenting methods evolve in the last few decades when it has worked perfectly for generations?
Simple. It’s because the society is transforming. It no longer has pre-set templates that everyone has to follow.
It celebrates individualism. Focus is on mental health, self-identity and personal choice. Even children have their own voice and its being taken seriously.
Parents, from their own personal experiences, know the need for more personal attention and allowing each child their own space to blossom.
Thanks to digital media, there’s an abundance of resources to learn and update yourself. You can choose this method or that or even a combination, whatever works best for your child.
The many studies on child psychology have also contributed to raising awareness about the need to bring changes in the parenting methods. Like John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory brought out how early relationships deeply impacted a child’s emotional development, making the parents focus on building a trusting bond with their children. Or B.F.Skinner’s research on Positive Reinforcement revealed how children respond positively to praise and reward systems.
Challenges of Modern Parenting
New parenting methods have certainly benefited the current generation. The children have higher self-esteem and confidence.
They share an open communication with their parents which helps in having better relationships. Children have become resilient because they’ve better clarity of thought and the liberty to follow their dreams.
But it’s not all well in paradise.
Parents are struggling with setting clear boundaries for their children. Where to draw the line is becoming difficult to decide.
Providing emotional support and guidance without invading their personal space is beyond challenging.
Open communication is fine but not at the cost of ignoring respect, politeness, empathy and compassion. How to teach the children about maintaining civility and mutual respect within this sphere?
Summarising the Process
Parenting is a complex exercise.
There’s no fool-proof way of going through this experience. Each of us has our own experiences which have shaped the kind of parents we’ve become.
Some methods work, some don’t. It’s trial and error that gets us to that sweet spot.
Parents have to keep an open mind and adapt to the changing social dynamics to tailor a system which works best for both you and your child.
Ground rules and objectives remain unchanged. What’s changed are the methods to achieve the goals. Adaptability is key.
