I didn’t believe what I had heard so I asked him again. And he repeated the very same words. It took me a few seconds to process as rage built up inside me.
It was the usual Monday morning in the classroom and I was shuffling the seating arrangements of the students.
I had asked one of the boys to sit with a girl and he defiantly refused to sit with any girl.
Why? Because his dadi (paternal grandmother) had told him that girls were trouble so best avoid them!
And then you wonder why discrimination still exists? What starts in homes and classrooms quietly seeps into every aspect of life.
Gender equality is more than a goal in itself. It is a precondition for meeting the challenge of reducing poverty, promoting sustainable development, and building good governance. — Kofi Annan
The Real Impact Of Gender Stereotyping
It’s outdated and dangerous. It thrived unchecked because it enabled restrictions on access to education and freedom of expression for the women.
Overtime it has led to –
- damaging their self-esteem
- limiting career choices and aspirations
- reinforced toxic ideas of masculinity and femininity
- fostering inequality in personal and professional relationships
If you want to raise children in gender-equal environments, this malignant tumour in the attitude needs to be addressed at the earliest.
The kids and the young people have to be taught about empathy, confidence and self-worth. They must be allowed to grow into their authentic self without conforming to set gender stereotypes.
Gender discrimination is so deeply entrenched in our psyche that it needs a very concerted and sustained effort to mitigate its effects.
You’re surrounded by gender stereotyping in every aspect of life. Just have a look at the toys and books you get for the kids, the programs they’re allowed to watch, the games they’re allowed to play, their role models.
It seems harmless now. But it’s subtly distorting their thought process, shaping their perceptions, creating limits to their potential, and finally, silently reinforcing inequality.
Change Begins At Home And In School
It was heartening to hear one of the boys say that he was chastened by his teacher for calling girls ‘sissy’. She further explained to them why it was inappropriate.
The teacher’s reaction was commendable. She had set the tone in the class and that’s what all the children in the class will learn.
Home and school are the two places where the foundations for gender stereotyping are laid. And if you go wrong there, you’re leading the children in the wrong direction.
But where do we begin?
1. Create Gender-Neutral Spaces and Habits
When giving out chores, don’t restrict the girls to the kitchen and the boys to the outdoors.
Let the girls be taught to change a bulb or do minor repairs; let the boys help with the chopping or cleaning or laundry.
In Sweden, gender neutral preschools like Egalia encourage all kids to explore every role and task, irrespective of their gender. They rotate chores, toys, and books to delimit their narratives.
Allow them to pick hobbies as per their interests and not your (or the society’s) expectations.
2. Question Stereotypical Behaviour
Don’t say “Boys will be boys” to overlook their rough play or inappropriate behaviour. It’s unknowingly teaching them that dominance is natural. If it’s not right, show them what is acceptable.
Avoid praising girls for being ‘quiet’ or acting ‘cute’.
Boys don’t cry, they say. They too are humans aren’t they? So, they too feel emotions. Being able to express their emotion shows their strength not weakness. Highlight this aspect to make it acceptable.
Model non stereotypical behaviour.
3. Diversify Role Models
Don’t restrict role models to the gender stereotyping template.
When discussing careers or achievements, don’t just mention Marie Curie or Virat Kohli. Include Kalpana Chawla, Mary Kom, Vikas Khanna and Sabyasachi.
Each one of them has broken the gender stereotype moulds and excelled in their chosen fields.
Create a ‘Role Model Wall’ both at school and in class. Ask children get role models with equal gender representations from science, art, sports, or other fields of their choice.
4. Open Up Subject and Activity Choices
Football for girls? Absolutely. Dance for boys? Definitely.
Let this subject or activity choices be made depending on their interests. If they enjoy doing it, they’ll certainly excel it.
A bird with clipped wings can never fly, let alone reach the stars.
5. Encourage Ongoing Conversations
Let your kids be part of gender discussions at home. Ask them about their views on some incident at school which reeked of gender stereotyping.
Help them understand by discussing movie characters or ads or news stories.
Teach them to look through the gender lens when observing toys, books, or even the language.
6. Speak up and Challenge Bias
When they see the imbalance and understand its impact, they’ll be able to stand up against it.
Teach them to question sexist jokes, remarks or assumptions.
It can be confusing at times so be clear when explaining the differences, where to draw the line.
7. Lead by Example
The best way to reinforce gender equality is by practicing it yourself.
Watching you do will make it easier for them to accept it as normal behaviour. That’s how they’ll learn to emulate it in their lives.
Show them what equality looks like. Divide responsibilities as per ability. Talk openly about gender roles.
Every time she got her lunchbox prepared by her dad, there was a huge demand to share it because he was a fantastic cook. This normalised reversal of roles. More boys expected their fathers to prepare their lunch boxes!
Here’s For A Better Tomorrow
It won’t happen overnight. Years of conditioning cannot be unlearned in a few weeks or months.
But changes have begun, slowly but surely. The ideas are germinating and it’s up to you to ensure they grow nice and strong.
The fear of upsetting the outdated hierarchy is genuine, but misplaced.
The old world order will transform into something more accepting and empathetic. Where the children will be free to flourish, free to fly.
They will have access to equal opportunities.
Where dropout rates of girls will not rise with every grade.
Where boys don’t need an Andrew Tate to reconfirm their masculinity.
Breaking gender stereotype will allow every child to be free to dream without limits.
As for that boy in my classroom? He may never forget his dadi’s words but if you can show him a better way, he might just teach his daughter otherwise.
