I was standing at the door, looking at the mayhem, re-evaluating my decision. The children were at the boisterous best. No one noticed me until I reached the desk and loudly wished them good morning.
That was my first day at school…as a teacher for first graders!
It took me a few days to realise that asking them to “Sit properly,” or “Stop making noise,” was futile. It was only going to add to my stress. I had to change the game plan.
Things changed, slowly. Together we built systems. For instance, they got a few minutes between classes to unwind, talk with each other, and prepare themselves for the next class.
What we, as adults, often ignore is that children don’t behave in isolation; they absorb the environment around them.
A noisy, rushed, chaotic environment guarantees an equally noisy and restless child. While a calm, predictable space definitely produced a calmer mind.
It’s a lesson I learnt the hard way but something which has helped me for years after.
The most effective way to manage children is to manage the environment they grow in.
Works better than threats and shouts and magic!
Calmness Is Absorbed, Not Commanded
You can’t blame the child for being all amped up when they reach school after a chaotic start at home.
A typical weekday morning would be someone rushing for work, someone looking for a missing notebook, half-eaten breakfast, instructions flying in every direction.
Coming from there and then being expected to “Sit quietly” and “Behave properly” is getting a little too optimistic, don’t you think?
They become calm when they’ve calmness around them.
I’d often write a quote or something funny or something I observed – just a line or two – on the blackboard in the morning.
This encouraged the children to settle down and take a minute or two to read what was written. The pause had a calming effect on them; built an opportunity to engage, without the high energy outbursts.
Children will learn to regulate themselves when they see the adults around them practicing it. They mirror the emotional temperature of the adults around them.
The classroom only amplifies what children experience at home.
The Environment Acts Like a Behaviour Thermostat
Think of the environment as a thermostat for behaviour.
If the environment is cluttered, noisy and unpredictable, children naturally become overstimulated. When there are clear structures and routines to follow, children feel settled and safe.
Instead of shouting yourself hoarse with repeated instructions, make simple changes which are anytime more effective.
The games/sports periods were the high point for kids in the class. As soon as the bell would ring, they would rush out. Telling them repeatedly to go out in a file was not working. So I decided to make it about deserving the period.
Only after had they finished their work, put their things in the bag, and then come and join the line would they be allowed to go. No rushing to stand at the head of the line, no pushing to get ahead. Just do your bit and calmly get to go for a period of fun and games.
Of course, I had the cooperation of the sports teachers too. They too enjoyed the organised manner the class conducted themselves.
Within a few weeks, it became an accepted norm. Children ensured all their classmates adhered to it. Nobody wanted to get late for the games period!
Be it the home bell or games period, our class would proudly step out full of channelised, constructive energy.
That simple routine reduced resistance far more effectively than the regular hollering instructions.
Their behaviour was being guided gently by the environment without constant correction.
Routine Is the Child’s External Nervous System
Children are learning, every day every hour. They haven’t yet learnt how to organise themselves. And that’s what you, the adult, has to teach them. By developing routines.
Many parents view routines as binding or constricting (I don’t know for whom??). But I look at them as structure which tells the child what comes next, what to expect, how the day flows.
When the structure becomes clear, children no longer get anxious. They’ve clarity and are prepared for it.
The home bell ringing was no longer the signal for mayhem once they knew what was expected of them. Things moved fast because they knew what to do. Over time ours would be the first class out of the gate.
That’s because the children had learnt to embrace the routine and simply settled into the rhythm.
The Behaviour We Want Must First Exist in Us
Perhaps the most uncomfortable part of this conversation is this: Children are copying your emotional behaviour more than the verbal instructions.
If you want them to practice patience, then show them patience. If you want them to remain calm, practice being calm yourself.
I know from experience that children are excellent observers, but very poor listeners.
So if your child seems difficult or distracted or restless, pause before correcting them. Review the environment they’re part of. And think what should be done to get them, the child and the environment, to calm down.
Don’t just blame them or expect them to display acceptable behaviour.
Ask yourself: What in the environment is teaching them to behave like this and what can you do?
