What’s the one of the biggest mistake you do as a parent?
The answer’s not something you’ll like. But it’s the truth. A bitter pill to swallow.
You want to make all the decisions for your child.
Doesn’t matter what the activity, you want to tell the child what to do. What clothes to wear, what to eat, what to play, when to play, with whom to play, what subjects to take at school and, maybe even, what career to pursue.
Children become career puppets, and you their puppeteer, controlling them with all those (emotional) strings.
Remember the song from Frozen? Mother knows best!
How does the child learn about responsibility or accountability or making decisions?
How does the child learn to be independent when they grow up?
Everyday choices build their confidence, shapes their sense of accountability. And teaching them this, becomes the primary responsibility of the parents, educators and caregivers.
Big Lessons from Small Choices
Have you seen the expression of joy and pride on their little faces when you ask them to choose something?
Which shoes do you want to wear?
Which book do you want me to read out to you?
These are seemingly small, inconsequential decisions but to them it feels like a big step. It fills them with pride, gives them a sense of accomplishment, because they get to decide like the grown-ups.
Introduce age-appropriate decision making to gradually build up this skill.
Explain the boundaries so they don’t get all carried away with this new found freedom.
When they learn to make decisions, they learn about accountability. They learn about consequences.
Let the Consequences Be Their Teacher
They still haven’t understood it’s true meaning. That’s why you’ve them jumping off the tree or cycling down the slope fast.
It’s when they get hurt that they understand that leaping of the swing was not a good idea. This is their first experience with consequences.
Let them take ownership of their activities. If they mess up, there’ll be consequences. They wouldn’t have thought about what happens next but watching it unfold will teach them an important life lesson.
Like forgetting their homework. It would mean trouble at school or missing playtime at home.
Or forgetting to take their lunchbox. Resist the urge to rush to school with it. They may forget what the teacher taught in class but will surely remember to take it the next day.
You’ve to wait in the wings to see how their decision making goes and step in only when you feel they need your guidance.
This will allow you a chance to monitor them from a distance while they learn to deal with the problem at hand.
Understanding consequences is a big step in their growing up journey.
Confidence Begins with Ownership
If understanding consequences is the first step, then the next is for the children to take ownership of their responsibilities.
Responsibility comes in all sizes. And for all ages. So don’t hesitate to give your child responsibilities from a young age.
Feeding the pet, helping with setting the table, packing the school bag. These are jobs they can do. And let them.
These responsibilities are related to their self-esteem. The more they feel responsible, the more confident they become about themselves.
Think of it like a muscle, the more your child uses it, the stronger it becomes.
They learn from their mistakes and store it in their memory for future reference.
Yes, there’ll be plenty of slip ups. And they will add to your workload at home. But then who said parenting was easy.
Routines Become the Hidden Path to Accountability
Taking up a responsibility is not a random act. It’s about consistency and reliability. It’s about doing it over and over again.
It’s about building a habit. A child who follows daily routines is more likely to develop self-discipline; a skill essential for life as an adult.
They can’t decide to be responsible one day and then take a day off the next.
It needs them to develop a habit of doing the action regularly. Sounds monotonous and boring but it reinforces accountability.
If they’ve to set the table for dinner, remind them daily so it becomes a default action after a few days.
If they’ve to pack their school back, then let them do it. They may forget a few things initially but that’s how they’ll learn to take ownership and understand accountability.
Celebrate their efforts. Don’t get stuck with them achieving perfection from day one.
Remember, they’re still learning.
Growing Up Means Stepping Up
As they grow older, add a few more responsibilities to their list to deal with. This will teach them to prioritise and handle more.
And one or two jobs as per their age that they’ve to do. Like putting away their toys, or managing their pocket money, or helping the younger siblings.
What this does is it teaches them to manage responsibility in different social settings. You’re equipping them for life beyond the safe confines of the home.
Children learn about the consequences of their actions and how they impact others around them, be at family friends or team.
Conclusion
Nobody’s doubting that you love for your child, and that you want them to be comfortable and taken care of.
But loving them doesn’t mean making them helpless, a liability for others.
By ensuring they learn to manage responsibilities, understand the consequences of their decisions, and feel accountable, you’re moulding your child’s personality. You’re making them independent, confident and accountable.
Those small everyday choices build their confidence in themselves, and in their decisions.
Not a mean thing to achieve this at such a young age.
Don’t make the biggest mistake other parents make. Encourage your child to choose, decide and take ownership.
And you know what will be the greatest gift from you to them? Teaching them to stand on their own.
