Have you ever seen an angry child saying they’ll never play with that friend ever again?
Or a teenager who is so agitated that they don’t know how to vent it out?
Disturbing, isn’t it?
Asking your child to calm down is like steering the ship through choppy waters. And to expect them to think rationally at that time is asking for the moon.
Understanding the Pressures Haunting Us
We each have our own problems to deal with. To assume that your children don’t have pressures of their own is condescending.
Doesn’t matter the age, children have their own unique set of pressures to deal with.
The younger ones may worry about who’s going to be their best friend on that day or if they can get a longer playtime. The older kids may be worried about their social image, school, or a billion other things. And let’s not even list the pressures the adults go through.
In short, each one feels like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders.
It’s these pressures that influence their decision-making.
How each one reacts to the pressures is also unique to each person, depending on their age, circumstances, level of maturity and situation in life.
A young child may throw a tantrum or get agitated, feeling helpless at being unable to express the emotional turmoil.
The older children may adopt coping mechanisms depending on their personalities.
A little bit of preparation can help children make prudent decisions without letting their minds get clouded with anxiety or prejudice.
1. Developing Critical Thinking Skills
Yes, help them to develop their critical thinking. Encourage them to solve puzzles, or play strategy games like chess, Monopoly, Battleship or Scotland Yard. This allows them to think in innovative ways when faced with a complication.
Have regular conversations about the everyday activities. Let them share what’s bothering them. Ask open-ended questions to enable them to reach the solution they feel is correct, instead of you providing them the solution.
2. Learning From Mistakes.
Step back and let them make some mistakes. It’s a foolproof way to remember what not to do. Unless their decisions have serious consequences, let it be.
Decisions made under duress or anger are often not the best. Such hasty and incorrect decisions will encourage them to calm down and think carefully before taking any action.
3. Support Their Decisions.
Be there for them. Your approval is the first step towards building their confidence in themselves, in their ability to make sensible decisions.
Provide strong yet subtle guidance by asking them open-ended and leading questions directing them towards the appropriate decision. But the final decision is THEIRS.
This will build their trust in you and they’ll feel comfortable to come back to you the next time they find themselves in a fix.
4. Build Confidence.
Try to provide real-life situations where they can make decisions. The more they practice, the better their decision-making skills will improve.
Start with simple choices like what to wear, what to do in their free time, which book to read, how to use their money, what activities to take up at school. Build up the complexity gradually.
Role-playing various situations and scenarios and then discussing their possible outcomes will give them a chance to deal with high-pressure situations.
5. Encourage Growth Mindset.
Every time they feel they’ve made a wrong decision, turn the discussion around to point out what they have learned from that particular experience. Avoid the “I-told-you-so” conversations.
This will make them feel less miserable about their mistakes while allowing them to view them instead as learning experiences.
It’ll teach them to be resilient and open to challenges without getting intimidated.
6. Controlling Their Emotions.
Being able to manage their emotions is the key to making sound decisions. Getting them to practice deep breathing or mindfulness is all fine but only after they’ve gained some emotional maturity.
Start by asking them to count to 10 or 20 before they make any decisions in haste. It’ll help them to calm down. Then ask them to do deep breathing.
I don’t know how it works but it certainly allows the storm to pass over and gives the child an opportunity to think calmly, thus building their emotional resilience.
Conclusion
No man is an island. There are pressures of differing intensities and magnitudes working full time on each of us. There’s no denying its existence. You and I know it, have seen it and experienced it.
Now it’s time to pass on our knowledge to our children. But children will not be so open to simply taking the instructions. The best way to teach them is by allowing them opportunities to build their skill while we provide the safety net around them.
Trusting them, supporting them, encouraging them and helping them to grow is what you and I should do.
Let’s do that.
