I don’t know about you but I find obedience boring.
I’m not promoting disobedience. That’s the last thing I want as a parent and a teacher.
Most parents and teachers would love to have well-behaved children; children who listen to you and follow the rules laid out for them.
Imagine a house with no fights or arguments about something silly. Or a classroom full of well-behaved kids acting like little robots, obeying your every command.
Makes life convenient but boring. This blind obedience ensures compliance, not creativity or independence.
What if you encourage a different kind of rule-breaking, the one which sparks innovation and justice?
The greatest change makers in history were not docile rule-followers; they created new rules by challenging the old ones.
The Difference Between Defiance and Thoughtful Disobedience
Being defiant is often confused with disobedience. There’s a difference there.
Being defiant is not following rules intentionally. Like the teenagers.
Ask them to do something, and they’ll definitely not do it. Sleep on time or clean your room or get a haircut. That’s defiance. It’s rebellion for the sake of rebellion.
But being thoughtfully disobedient is when you challenge the present circumstances. You think critically and question it.
Like a child questioning an unfair rule at school or home. Why are the chores not equally distributed or why must learning be restricted to the classroom and textbooks? That’s thoughtful disobedience.
It’s rule-breaking with a purpose and not a reckless act. This is how leadership begins.
Think of blind obedience as walking a well-trodden path without asking where it leads. It’s up to the true leaders to carve a new trail, with a clear purpose.
Why Compassionate Leaders Must Challenge Injustice
Rewriting rules is part of being a leader. But to become a compassionate leader, you have to know when and why you’re breaking the rule, and not do it as a whim.
If blind obedience can lead to setting harmful systems, then challenging status quo can make you a compassionate leader.
Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, Malala Yousafzai, were all ‘disobedient’ in their own ways but they became the guiding light for the society because they called out to harmful or unfair practices.
If they had followed the laid down rules, like the rest, the world history would’ve been very, very different today.
Look around you to find real-life change-makers. Like that child who stood up against bullying or the young activist who questioned the unfair school policies which excluded some students.
Compassionate leadership doesn’t have to start with world changing activism. It begins from when the child becomes aware of the injustices around them, be it the school, playground or home.
The Link Between Disobedience and Empathy
You don’t have to teach children to be disobedient to unleash their potential.
Teach children to question what they feel is incorrect. But before that, they must learn to assess the fairness of it.
Disobeying without strong justifications or explanations is just rebellion.
- Let them think about why they feel its incorrect or unjust.
- Encourage them to think clearly and independently.
- Show them how to express their opinions and disagreements constructively.
This will enable them to focus their thinking.
It will also make them aware that challenging authority is not just about themselves but about others.
They want changes but those changes can’t just be for themselves; it goes beyond self-interest. It’s about advocating fairness which is applicable to all.
Have a three questions framework for them to follow – 1) Is it fair to everyone? 2) Who gets effected? and 3) What can I do to bring positive change?
If they can answer these, they’ll develop a sense of justice and fairness for others. They’ll have the sense to stand for something which they feel is not right or correct.
Raising Future Leaders
It may appear as an unlikely way to raise future leaders but it’s the most effective one.
Leadership is not about breaking rules or having a thousand followers who blindly follow you.
It’s about rewriting rules, about questioning what’s not right, about challenging the existing state of affairs.
Children have to be taught to question with responsibility. No cockish retorts when the parents or teachers say. That’s not being smart; it highlights their immaturity.
If they want to question or challenge something, they must understand the ‘why’ and its consequences.
Give them practice at home to make decisions. They don’t like some rules, let them discuss it with you and suggest the changes they want. But they have to also accept the consequences. No whining or complaining then.
Conclusion
There are more than enough leaders out there who love to hear their own voice. There’re only a few who listen to what their followers are saying.
The need of the hour is thoughtful, compassionate change makers. Certainly not the placard-holding, face-covered, social-media types. If you believe in something, why be ashamed to own it?
Teach children to think independently and challenge unfairness; to have the courage to act with empathy.
A little bit of disobedience is needed to change the world.
Provide the children with guidance to become future change makers and leaders by being disobedient.
Next time your child questions a rule, don’t dismiss it. Ask them ‘why’. Let them think about the reasons.
Show them that it’s better not to break rules but to rewrite them. And that’s how you’ll raise rebels with a cause.
