The mother walking with me was going on and on about how her child wasn’t sleeping on time and was causing her stress.
This is not a new problem but become a universal complaint.
My simple question to all those parents who have similar complaints is “What is it that you’re missing out on doing?”
Before you blame their boundless energy or their need to have a late night snack, it’s time to review the steps you’ve actually taken to get them to bed… on time.
But begin that review with the assessment of your own sleep routine.
Why is this review necessary? Because that’s where the solution of the problem lies.
Have patience and you’ll discover (rather uncover) what’s right in front of you.
Why Boring is the Secret Ingredient
There’s no secret sauce or hack to set a sleep schedule for your child.
All it needs is just one little thing from you. Become boring.
Yes. Becoming boring is the mantra. Boring becomes your new best friend.
From the child’s point of view, any new activity looks exciting. And that spikes their energy levels.
So instead of winding down, they act like they had a cup of coffee at 10:00 pm. Not exactly something that shows “time to sleep”.
It makes it harder for them to sleep. They fight and resist the urge even when their eyes closing. They fear they’ll miss out on something.
That’s why getting boring helps.
The boring, repeated activities should become predictable. The same set of activities repeated day after day for them till they feel comfortable and accept without resistance.
An early dinner followed by some down time in their bed. No compromises, no TV or phone, no jumping or running.
Repeat it day after day, with no changes.
Why It Often Doesn’t Happen
It feels easier said than done. Heard this advice many times already. I agree. It’s not rocket science, it’s common sense.
Bedtime battles are common because kids feel they lose out on activities if they go to sleep.
They don’t see sleep as something to look forward to. Instead it disrupts their playtime.
Parents also want to wind down after the long day and settle down with relaxing activities. Like watching late night TV or binge watching some series.
They let the children join them as it’s less of a struggle, and the easier way out.
Even if you justify that it’s family time, it still not acceptable.
Weekends are worse with late nights and late mornings. It disrupts the body clock and the routine.
I’ve had kids walking into class on a Monday morning looking tired, unfocused, sluggish, and sleep deprived.
You can catch up on the missed episodes later. Prioritise your child’s health over the reruns. Think long term when it comes to the children.
It would be a lot more relaxing if you get your kids to sleep early so you could get some actual free time to yourself.
It only needs a few weeks of your time in the evening and then you’ll have the next few years to yourself.
Step One: Help Them Transition to Their Own Bed
If your child still sleeps in your bed or in your room, then that’s the first habit to work on.
It’s best to start when they’re still very young.
Having their own bed will make them feel grown up and independent.
Don’t expect them to leap at the opportunity. If they’re reluctant, don’t push. It can backfire.
Start by lying down in the bed with them. Bond over chatting about their day, or reading together, or just talking.
Don’t just tuck and disappear. That will create separation anxiety and keep them clinging to you even more.
After a few days, may be a week or 2, move to Phase 2 where after the bedtime routine, you gently explain that you’ll step out but will be right outside.
Don’t be surprised if you find them following you within seconds. It’s a natural progression.
Get them back into the bed. Be patient. Repeat the same steps. Again and again.
It’s not failure. It’s training. You’ve to build trust and confidence, that they’re safe, that you’re there.
It needs loads and loads of patience and consistency.
Before long you’ll find them sleeping willingly in their own bed.
Step Two: Create a Soothing Bedtime Ritual
Now that they’ve settled down to sleeping in their own bed, begin work on creating a soothing pre-bed time schedule.
This is equally important and this is where most parents fail.
If you want your child to sleep, you’ve to ensure that you begin creating a relaxing and soothing environment.
Avoid intense playtime or activities that get them all excited or stimulated. No toys. No tickle fights. No loud noises.
Begin with setting a bedtime routine checklist. Brushing teeth, change into pyjamas, choose the book.
When my kids were small, we had this wonderful book which had 365 stories and poems, and we would read the story or poem corresponding to the date.
They were excited about getting into bed because they’d get to flip to the day’s page.
Bonus – they learnt how to read the calendar by themselves early.
You don’t have a book, no problem. Tell them your own stories, make up silly adventures, or borrow stories from friends.
The purpose is to lower stimulation while keeping them engaged enough to enjoy winding down.
No gadgets. Non-negotiable.
Screens before bedtime are like allowing a marching band into the bedroom with the loud sounds, colourful display and stimulated excitement.
The screen light also disrupts their circadian cycle.
So, stay away from screens, sugar and late night excitements, if you don’t want to make it harder for your child to fall asleep.
The Bigger Picture: Why Sleep Matters for Kids
There’s no denying that sleep is essential for the healthy mental and physical development of the children.
The list of benefits as long.
– better mood
– improved focus
– stronger immune system
– enhanced learning, and
– memory
To ensure they look forward to sleeping, work on shifting the mindset – both yours and the child’s.
Let the lead up to sleep time be quiet, expected and slightly enjoyable. Instead of sleep looking like it’s the end of fun, let the calm, consistent cues make it a look like it’s a part of the day’s activities.
As for you, create a positive vibe around wind-down routine. Calm, peaceful time for bonding with your child.
If you’re impatient or anxious or irritated, the child will sense it and resist sleeping.
Getting your child to sleep is the last big job for the day. Look forward to doing it well. Think about the quiet time you’ll get for yourself after that. Worth putting in the effort for, isn’t it?
The Parent’s Role: Short-Term Adjustment, Long-Term Payoff
Some days will go beautifully. Others will make you question the futility of the exercise.
It all depends on you. If you remain patient and consistent, you’ll notice small changes.
Quicker settling times, lesser resistance, fewer excuses.
Eventually the nightly circus eases into a smooth nightlong sleep.
What you haven’t realised is that this habit is a gift to them.
You’re not just teaching them to sleep on time, you’re teaching them to regulate themselves, find comfort in ritual, and feel safe in their own space.
Subconsciously, they’ll be benefiting from the organised and disciplined lifestyle.
As for you, you’ll no longer see your night time ritual as boring; it becomes comforting, anticipated and advantageous.
