“Don’t treat your focus as a side dish!” This line from my Principal at school has been etched in my mind (along with several others).
I didn’t realise their importance until many years later.
Isn’t that how you treat focus, as a side dish – something nice to have and talk about but not absolutely essential?
And the only time you talk about focus is when you’re complaining about your child’s academics!
Is that the only time focus is needed? Don’t you need for other areas in your life?
Focus isn’t an academic supplement, though it’s become one with the teachers repeating it again and again and the students ignoring it with equal diligence.
It’s time to realise that focus is a core life skill. Just as it’s important to learn to walk and talk, it’s the fundamental skill for children to grow, think and connect with the world.
Focus forms the foundation of their development. The day they (and the parents and educators) realise that, is the day they truly begin to grow.
The True Scope of Focus
Don’t restrict the use of focus to the classrooms. It’s about how children regulate themselves when interacting with others.
By teaching children to focus, they’re learning to pause before reacting. They’re able to sit with it long enough to identify and name it without just lashing out.
That’s emotional regulation in action. And that comes from focus.
Focus also allows for deeper thinking. When the child is distracted, they skim the surface. But when they’re focused, they’re able to dive deeper.
This is what helps them to sit with a tricky problem.
Or creates curiosity. It’s what gets them to stay long enough to ask why instead to heading to the next distraction.
Focus is what helps them build stronger relations. They’re able to listen carefully when someone is speaking, notice how the others are feeling, engage in conversations without drifting away.
Focus allows them to stay in the present. And that’s a rapidly disappearing skill worth investing in.
Don’t confuse discipline with focus though.
Discipline is about rules routine and structure. It’s about being told what to do and following through.
Focus is the ability to direct your attention to where it matters, even without instructions or someone directing you.
Take for instance a child solving a 200 piece puzzle. They’ll sit with it for the time you asked them to. That’s discipline.
But it’s focus that’ll keep them engaged. They’ll work piece after piece because they’ve learned how to keep at it.
Focus is the internal discipline which the child develops with time and practice.
The Confidence Connection
A child who learns to focus, subconsciously develops other skills also.
They learn –
- to finish their task (resilience),
- gain the satisfaction of finishing (pride in their work),
- persistence,
- confidence in their abilities,
- clarity of thought (they know what to focus on and when).
For a child who’s able to focus, any problem is doable because they’ve learnt to stick with it long enough to eventually find the answer, or at least make some progress.
Unlike the unfocused child who throws up their hands at the sight of a challenge. It’s not that they can’t do; it’s that they don’t have the tools to deal with it.
Once the child gets used to completing their tasks repeatedly, they unlock the secret toolkit they possess to achieve success.
They’re prepared to face the next challenge with confidence, not fear. This confidence quietly influences the other areas of their lives.
And this is the foundation you want to lay for your child.
Practical Ways to Build Focus in Children in a Distracted World
There’s no denying the harsh reality of the world the children are growing up in.
The constantly pinging of notifications. The bite-size information clips. Multitasking as a default mode.
Result? Keeping your attention at any one task becomes real impossible.
It’s not just restricted to the children. Even the adults find it difficult to focus on something without getting distracted within minutes.
Learning to focus becomes critical. That’s what makes focus more precious, something worth working on.
Like every other skill, focus too has be nurtured slowly and intentionally.
Try these simple ideas. It’s worked for me, and for some parents I know:
- Mindful pauses. Teach children to pause and take a breath before reacting. That pause is what will shift the outcome.
- One job at a time. Encourage them to do one thing at a time. Read a book without music blaring, or draw without the TV in the background.
- Play and puzzles. Encourage activities that require patience. Like puzzles, Lego, building projects, even board games. This trains attention spans naturally.
- Stories and conversations. Regularly have reading aloud sessions or have long, uninterrupted chats. Here, listening matters. It builds the habit of staying present.
- Practice focus yourself. Keep the phone aside when talking to them. Let them see that attention is a gift, something precious. Hence it’s to be nurtured.
The Foundation We Build
Focus is not some skill they’ll pick up along the way. As they grow older, it’ll become even more harder to develop it with the distractions multiplying around them.
Make focus the very foundation of their learning. Help build their resilience and relationships.
A child who learns to focus early in life, learns to manage their emotions, becomes more present, and develops confidence in their abilities.
As adults, they’re better prepared to handle the chaos and distractions.
So the next time you see your child working on something intently, appreciate their focus instead of correcting them.
Watch them work on developing their core life skill.
