“Can I’ve some cookies?”
“No, you just had your breakfast.”
“Can I at least have some candies?”
“No.”
“Then can I’ve 2 cookies? I’ll have one now and one later.”
“Ok. But you can have just 1 now.”
Don’t tell me you haven’t had such haranguing exchanges? They can wear you down with their persistent arguments.
That’s how it all begins; their first lessons at bargaining and negotiations.
Children have the natural ability to negotiate and get you to agree to them. And most of the times, they manage it effortlessly with their charm and doggedness.
Negotiating is different from throwing tantrums. Children who negotiate display a more evolved and developed EQ.
They are more empathetic, are better listeners, and are more patient. It’s like a tiger waiting for the kill.
They’re able to read the room and then set their terms. If you’re angry, or what they are asking for is a little out of their reach, they’ll sense it; they’ll know where and when to draw the line.
If children learn to negotiate, they’ll have learned a valuable survival skill for the social jungle out there.
Developing Their Negotiation Skills
The first thing to do is explain the meaning and importance of this skill.
You can cite examples from real life to show them how it works. And I’m sure you’ll find more than enough examples from your personal experiences.
Each day is a battle of wits and even if you feel you got the better of them, in retrospect it feels suspect, especially if they’ve agreed to it without much resistance.
Teach them the finer aspects of negotiation like clear communication and careful listening.
To be able to get a better deal, they must be able to understand the other party, what do they want. This is what will help them to reach an amicable and acceptable settlement.
They’ve to understand patience and compromise. Patience because the other party can’t be expected to agree with them immediately and for everything (unless it’s the grandparents, then it’s a walkover).
And compromise doesn’t mean caving in or giving up; it means working around. Teach them about the ‘give and take’ conditions, about meeting halfway.
Being able to negotiate is being able to see the issue from both perspectives and convincing the other to agree with you (or at least to most parts of it).
This allows the children to think at different levels, builds their thinking, and helps them in navigating conflicts.
This is more so during the teenage years when they’ve more than enough pressures to deal with. Being able to negotiate will help them navigate through it all and forge stronger connections.
Benefits of Being a Good Negotiator
May not bode very well for parents if their children excel at this skill. But sharpening this skill is setting them up for a more profitable future when they step out as professionals.
Negotiation skills –
- improve their communication skills,
- makes them better at problem solving,
- helps build stronger relations with friends and peers because they’re more empathetic,
- increases their confidence and sense of independence, and
- improves their ability to think beyond themselves.
Negotiations with the kids is like a battleground. Sometimes you feel conned. Sometimes you feel like you’ve got your way (did you really?).
What’s for sure is that each of these interactions are the perfect learning ground for the children. They’re storing each of these lessons and will use it during the next face off.
Doesn’t matter the outcome. What’s more important is that you’ve prepared them to get their way in a civilised manner.
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