The normal and acceptable routine is to treat anger as a problem. It makes you say things you don’t want to say.
But I think the problem begins much earlier. It comes before the speaking. Anger clouds your judgement even before it impacts your language.
By the time those harsh words have left your mouth, your thinking has already been compromised. You’re no longer in control of your cognitive faculties.
That’s why its essential to manage your anger. It’s not so you suppress your emotions. It’s to protect your ability to think clearly.
Anger Shrinks Your Thinking
Have you noticed how everything looks obvious when you’re angry? It’s like yours is the only viewpoint that matters.
You no longer ask questions, and simply stop listening. The opinions of others no longer count. You no longer want to comprehend the fine nuances.
The world becomes your battleground. It’s right versus wrong, us versus them.
That’s one of the main reasons why regret almost always follows without fail. People say things they would never have said otherwise had they been thinking at all.
The words aren’t always a reflection of their values or their way of thinking. It’s something deeper. It’s a reflection of a mind that’s temporarily stopped reasoning, or thinking clearly.
You’d have seen the kind of language the young protesters were using during the recent protests rocking the nation.
Even their best intentions got overshadowed by the language.
Somewhere in all that hyped cacophony, the real issue got suppressed as the audience began discussing the behaviour and words more than the issue.
And now once the tempers have calmed, there’s a deluge of videos seeking forgiveness for speaking such.
No point regretting later. The words once out of your mouth cannot be unheard or erased.
Words Reveal the Quality of Thought
What is often overlooked is that strong language doesn’t automatically make an argument stronger. That was obvious from the videos.
The name-calling, the expletives were beyond the boundaries of civil language. If anything, the excessiveness signalled that reasoning had been replaced completely by emotions.
The more emotionally overwhelmed you become, the harder it is to explain why you believe in something.
It’s as though the mind is fumbling to process the ideas through all that anger and anxiety. Thoughtful communication requires clarity which is not available in this situation.
That’s why the goal shouldn’t be to control your tongue but your emotions. If that happens, then you regain control of your thinking.
Build a Mind That Doesn’t Get Hijacked
But how do you learn to regulate your emotions? It’s not something you can master in a 2-hours workshop. And it definitely doesn’t appear in the middle of an argument.
It needs preparations from much before. Try reading books that challenge your assumptions. Have conversations with people who disagree with you. Write whenever possible to express your own unadulterated opinions.
These are not mundane habits but activities which will train your mind to tolerate disagreement without getting defensive.
Practice to take a small pause before responding. Maybe count to five, or a slow breath, or just a tiny pause to think if the argument is worth wasting your time on.
Your spontaneous retort does not show how smart you are, or your presence of mind. Instead it proves your impatience, or how quickly you let emotions override your judgement.
In an Age That Rewards Instant Reactions
This is so much more important now in this age where everything is about ‘now’, about being seen.
It’s an instant culture, and it rewards immediate results. The fastest response gets the attention. It’s for you to distinguish between attention and influence.
It’s easier being part of the crowd. But it takes a lot more to be heard in that crowd. Anyone can react. Only a few have learnt to respond thoughtfully.
The words you speak can never to taken back. So before you speak with passion, learn to think with depth because being heard isn’t about speaking the loudest.
It’s about speaking with enough clarity and level-headedness that people remember what you said long after the noise faded.
