I always thought of myself being daring or fearless. Not in the ‘fearless Nadia’ sense but like was ready to try out things, experiment, push the limits.
Then with age came wisdom and experiences with the harsh realities of life.
And that’s when I realised I was just as scared as the next person. Scared of being judged by others. Of failing in public. Of becoming the point of ridicule.
This is something we all share. No one wants to be judged in public. Making your imperfections public is hard to accept. And that’s what most people aren’t prepared for.
But you can’t quit living in that fear. So what happens then?
You live behind closed doors. No one knows about your presentation that went badly. Or that business idea you never took beyond your notebook.
The hidden work protects the ego. And also your potential for growth.
Then there are moments of success, small victories, making your work visible. Your hard work gets acknowledged. Your credibility gets established. The stakes change. You feel vindicated.
Now you’re prepared for people to judge your work, and by extension judge you. You no longer feel scared of their scrutiny.
Growth Is Visible Before Competence Is
Believe it or not but every worthwhile skill comes with an awkward beginning.
The first attempts are always without fail clumsy. You lack the confidence and experience. Yet each next step gets better.
Yet many fear this stage, of trying and failing. They delay whatever they want to do because they want to appear competent and capable before they present it to the world.
How can they gain competency without actually trying?
They spend time on preparation, research, planning, and waiting for the perfect day when they’re ready.
The problem is you can never be fully ready. It’s not the pre-requisite to your growth. Your growth depends on your action, even if you’re unprepared.
I know from experience. I didn’t have a grand plan with every stage marked out, before beginning on this venture. Every step taught me something, which I added to my skill set.
The growth has been organic, growing because I refused to stop.
I first time I stood before a hall full of final year students, I felt more nervous than I’ve ever felt. Voice quivering, mind going numb, I began. Yet, I’ve gone back to the college the next year for a similar workshop!
My growth is the reason I feel ‘ready’ now, and not the other way round.
Every Expert Was Once Easy to Criticise
Don’t look at the famous people and envy their success. Look beyond that and you’ll see their struggles.
Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, JK Rowling. The list goes on.
Not everyone is famous. Like my friend Janaki who began painting as a hobby and is today taking orders for personalised painting in Indian traditional styles like Madhubani and Tanjore.
No one got where they are today without having begun somewhere. They were beginners too at some time.
Their early work too must have been ordinary, their confidence fragile, their mistakes obvious.
If you haven’t read my earliest posts, I’d suggest you don’t. They’re so amateurish that I often wonder if I wrote them. Yet I’m proud of them. They’re proof that I tried and persevered.
Visible learning is uncomfortable, harsh and often difficult. People notice your mistakes long before they notice your improvements. There’s feedback before appreciation.
All you can do is keep working and improving.
Don’t Hide Your Beginning
What’s important is that you begin. Let those who want to notice the mistakes do it. Let them question whether you’re good enough.
What sets you apart is that you began without waiting for permission from others. More than the fear of failure, you didn’t let the fear of public scrutiny overwhelm you.
Your beginning is meant to teach you, not impress others. If the people whom you admire had waited until they were excellent before showing up, then they wouldn’t be where they’re now.
You’ve to show up while still figuring it out. That’s the secret of your growth and your success.
Perhaps that’s also the real courage. That you’re not avoiding failure, but allowing your unprepared self to be seen.
Not every expert has had a visible beginning. They gained visibility somewhere in the middle of their journey.
Everyone admires the finished masterpiece. Very few have the courage to display the rough draft. Be that person.
