If walking out was a choice, then I would’ve done it long ago. But it wasn’t. So, I did what was acceptable – stayed put.
But it is getting infuriatingly unbearable. You meet up to talk to people and they don’t want to because they’re in a serious relationship with their phones!
I’m trying to recollect the last time I had a conversation where the other person didn’t check their phone, or rushed with some put-together response, or worse, was ready with a response even before I finished speaking.
A good conversation is a rarity these days. Maybe even rarer than enjoying poetry.
And that’s because you, and me, and everyone around us is living a world of Ks,Ys, emojis, typing fatigue, and auto-responses.
In short, communication has become faster, shorter, and more convenient.
You can respond instantly without putting in the effort of thinking deeply about what you’re saying.
We’re Not Short of Communication. We’re Short of Depth.
The problem isn’t that people don’t communicate. If you think about it, you’re constantly communicating.
But that communication is reactive. You respond to messages, you skim information, you offer quick opinions (often unsolicited), and then move on.
That’s definitely not deep conversation. It demands something different.
It asks you to listen rather than impatiently await your turn to speak. You ask a question because you’re genuinely curious. You look beyond the words and notice what they actually mean.
I had a colleague who would join a conversation and would begin doling out suggestions, and advice, and solutions faster than Google, with minimum appreciation of the problem or conditions.
But then that’s what’s passing for conversation now. And that’s certainly not a conversation worth remembering.
Depth Makes You Stand Out
You’ve to be lucky to find yourself in the company of people who enjoy a conversation.
They may not be the most articulate or entertaining people in the room. But they’ll be ones who make you feel heard.
Their follow-up question may not happen immediately but they’ll remember what you said.
No rushing with advice or suggestions, and may even disagree without turning the conversation into a competition or debate.
My previous section coordinator was a no-nonsense professional and people were wary of approaching her. Yet it was a pleasure talking with her.
She would handle difficult conversations with the parents with effortless ease, listening, interpreting, and responding thoughtfully. It would often favourably change the outcome of the interaction.
That’s the kind of conversation that builds trust.
Perhaps We Need to Slow Down
And trust needs time to build. Maybe not always years but even a few uninterrupted moments where you focus on the other person.
Deep conversations don’t require you to spend hours or indulge in some profound discussions every time you meet.
It just needs you to give someone your complete attention. Believe me, in today’s attention-starved world where there’s a fierce competition for your attention, this action stands out for its generosity.
So when everyone’s trying to be heard, the one who listens becomes priceless. When what you’re offered are instant responses, you look at the person who paused. It’s then what that person thinks becomes valuable.
Maybe deep communication is old-fashioned. But it’s one skill that’s most relevant now. And it’s not too late to develop it.
It allows you an opportunity to connect to another on a personal level, but not through forwarded messages or abbreviated responses.
