If you go by the number of reels you see on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, you would think life’s a big stage and everyone’s trying to do their best to get their two-minutes of fame.
Are you living your life for yourself or for the applause of others?
Seeking validation constantly can feel like running a marathon with no finish line. That’s exhausting, both physically and emotionally. It’s like you’re always chasing approval, without ever arriving at true satisfaction.
Seeking validation means you’re basing your worth on the opinions, reactions, and judgments of those around you.
It shows up in small ways – checking for likes for posts on social media, second-guessing your decisions, or replaying conversations in your head to check if you “sounded right.”
But the ugly, unacknowledged truth is the more you chase approval, the further you drift from your authentic self.
The hot pursuit of validation saps your energy, creates a fuzzy identity of you, and prevents you from living life on your own terms.
The Cost of Seeking Validation
Mental and Emotional Drain
No denying. Trying to meet others’ expectations is exhausting. You end up overthinking about everything. Be it your words, your appearance, or even your choices.
A single critical comment can unwrap years of effort in building your confidence.
Loss of Identity
When you live for validation, you begin to ask: Do I really like this, or do I like it because others do?
It’s only matter of time before you lose touch with what your own preferences and values are.
Impact on Relationships
Ironical but seeking validation can strain relationships. Instead of building genuine connections, you become dependent on others’ approval. And this can feel suffocating.
Look at your actions if you don’t believe me.
- Frequency with which you check your phone for likes on a post.
- Altering your opinion to avoid disapproval from others in the group.
- Saying yes to tasks when you want to say no just to avoid disappointing someone.
Why Do We Seek Validation?
- Social Conditioning
Growing up, you remembered being rewarded for “pleasing others.”
A polite child would get praised, while the one who voiced disagreement was scolded or labelled a rebel.
Inevitably, it was ingrained into your psych that acceptance comes from compliance.
- Fear of Rejection
It’s human nature to want to belong. The fear of being left out or judged pushes you further to sculpt your thoughts and views into what others want, even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Perfectionism
It’s sad when you equate your self-worth to your performance.
When you see every success like a proof of your value, and take every criticism as a sign of failure.
In such cases, validation becomes the metric of self-esteem.
Strategies to Stop Seeking Validation
1. Build Self-Awareness
Begin with reflecting on moments where you put others’ opinions above your own. Journaling can be a big help.
Ask yourself: What’ve I done recently just to please someone else? Would’ve I chosen to do it differently if no one was watching?
2. Set Personal Boundaries
Learn to say no without guilt. ‘NO’ is a complete answer by itself and its your choice.
Protect yourself, both mentally and physically, by distancing yourself from people or environments that constantly demand your conformity.
3. Practice Self-Validation
Have more faith and confidence in your own worth. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge progress.
Affirm your worth by repeating to yourself – “I am enough”, or “My value is not defined by others’ opinions.”
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Choose to surround yourself with people who encourage you to be faithful to yourself.
Because it’s only when people who accept you as you are, will you find the strength and confidence to live truthfully.
5. Embrace Imperfection
There’s beauty in imperfection. It shows work-in-progress. Stop chasing flawless performance.
Mistakes don’t need justification nor do they reflect your inadequacies. They’re just an integral part of your growth.
The Freedom of Being True to Yourself
When you stop living for validation, the changes you witness will be overwhelming.
- Mental Peace: The anxiety of constant overthinking eases.
- Improved Confidence: Your decisions will be rooted in your values, feeling more solid.
- Healthier Relationships: Genuine connections replace the approval-based ones.
You’ll experience an inexplainable freedom.
You’ll be free to choose a career based on passion rather than prestige.
You’ll find the courage to say ‘no’ when you’re plate is full.
You’ll feel less pressured to tow others’ line and will instead speak your mind without worrying if its agreeable to all.
Benefits of Breaking Free from Approval-Seeking
- Channelise Misused Energy: Less time and mental effort spent worrying about others.
- Stronger Self-Identity: You become the focal point as clarity on what truly matters to you gains value and weightage.
- Enhanced Decision-Making: Confidence in choices which are compatible with your goals.
- Freedom and Independence: Choice to live life on your terms, not on conditional approval.
- Increased Resilience: Your self-worth is no longer dependent on approval or criticism of others. So it hurts less.
Conclusion
Let me clarify that breaking free from the need for validation is not about becoming indifferent to others. It’s about reclaiming your energy and living faithfully.
You may still hear whispers of opinions of others, but they no longer define you.
You don’t need anyone’s approval to be enough. You already are.
So it’s time to let go of the chains, reclaim your freedom, and live a life that feels true to you.
