“You should ‘ve done it like that to get better results.”
“You haven’t really given it a thought, have you?”
“There’s still so much to do that you’ve missed out.”
These are responses you often hear from your critics. Could be your parent, colleague, boss, or partner.
Objective was to give you feedback about the work you‘ve done but what it appears to do is something else.
I had a senior during my training years, a sagely guy with calming presence. In some context (I don’t remember what) he had explained that one must look beyond the criticism because the criticism is often a reflection of the discomfort that person is feeling.
I didn’t get it then. But now, after years of experiencing life and people, it makes sense.
Criticism is often an instinctive reaction. Maybe its defensiveness, or self-doubt, or even withdrawal.
You criticise to protect yourself while showing the other person that they haven’t done it right.
So if you’re criticised, don’t take it to heart as a feedback on your capability or ability. Instead look at it another way. What you’ve done, correctly or not, has made the other person uncomfortable. Something landed and was not welcome.
Give it some thought.
Each of us has our own way of doing things, even when the goals or objectives are the same.
Say for instance, you’re asked to make a presentation. It’s going to be different from what your boss visualised it as. The data or info maybe same but there may be differences in the layout, or the colour scheme, or the font.
This difference then becomes the root for the criticism you receive.
The simple way to avoid getting into this trap is to accept that viewpoints differ. The work reflects your individuality.
But if you don’t want criticism, then become neutral and walk the straight line. What you’ll get in response is invisibility, not excellence.
If your work (doesn’t matter how good) doesn’t evoke any reaction, then it disappears quietly into vacuum.
Is that what you want?
Think again. Will someone criticise what they can’t see? No.
Criticism appears only when your work gets seen by someone other than you, when it enters public space. When your ideas or creations are no longer protected by you.
And when it invites reactions, it shows that its relevant. That someone noticed it and something about it made them feel uncomfortable. It generated friction.
It’s a given that meaningful work challenges the accepted assumptions, or habits, or even the comfort zones. When you feel discomfort, you criticise.
In other words, the criticism is not a critique of the work per se; instead it shows how it made the other person feel.
What’s important to note is that all criticism can’t be seen the same way. It varies with the way it’s given out.
Sometimes it’s an emotional projection; sometimes a constructive feedback.
Children playing is seldom quiet. It’s loud, boisterous, and emotional. Shouts of “He’s cheating”, or “It’s a foul”, are as much criticism as they’re emotional outbursts.
Constructive feedback is normally from a place of power. Like a parent or teacher to a child, boss to a subordinate.
It’s criticism given in a positive manner, along with helpful suggestions or advice or steps forward.
Basically criticism is about control, about asserting your dominance. It’s given with the objective of showing your own superiority.
This is the most damaging form of criticism. Because it impacts your confidence.
The instinctive reaction is to shrink yourself to avoid being criticised.
But is it worth it?
By diluting yourself, you’re stagnating your growth and making yourself irrelevant.
Growth requires exposure. An exposure will lead to mixed reactions.
It’s for you to decide the path forward.
Criticism is a outcome of an active and fertile mind. The more it’s busy, the more reactions it will receive.
Your engagements will definitely get all forms of responses. Some good, some bad.
Take them all. It’s better than silence, which means irrelevance. That’s the death-knell for your growth.
Learn to give and receive criticism. Both skills are essential.
And don’t fear criticism. Instead become a critic and make a difference.
