Why does every decision have to be a collective action? I guess it’s because we live in an age of opinions. Everyone has one, unsolicited most of the times.
Our kids were in the same school and class. So we shared the same worries and anxieties and complaints, along with the syllabus and school’s inadequacies.
When the time came to decide the what-next, the other mother went more feral than our news reporters on the trail of a hot scandal.
She asked every person what would be a good choice of college, course, career path, convenience, and more.
It was exhausting watching her.
Asking for advice or suggestions is normal, acceptable. On the surface it appears wise. But the problem begins when the advice becomes a substitute for thinking rather than an input.
The excessive advice-seekers create doubts about the intensity of the process. Are they procrastinating on responsibility? Or are not sure what they want? Or maybe they just lack confidence?
Either ways, it doesn’t help.
When Advice Becomes a Crutch
Sometimes it’s necessary to ask for advice because it allows you an opportunity to collect conflicting viewpoints.
But it also creates confusion if you’re not clear about what you want.
One person may suggest taking the risk; the other advises you to play it safe. One encourages patience, while the other urges immediate action.
The more opinions you gather, the more you grow distant from your own judgement. You begin to doubt your thinking and ideas.
Decision outsourcing is a balancing act, the price for involving too many others in your personal task.
It’s like you’re telling yourself that you don’t know better, and that’s why you need others to tell you what to do.
That mother got overwhelmed with all the inputs. The child got so confused that she decided to take a year off before college to decide what was the way forward.
How had all those inputs from others helped in decision-making?
The Real Problem Isn’t Wrong Decisions
Most people are terrified of making mistakes. That’s the reason they seek reassurance from others before doing anything.
But making mistakes is inevitable. It’s a part of life. Every mistake teaches you something essential.
And more importantly, it builds your confidence. You learn to live with the consequences of your decisions.
Even those advisers are speaking from their personal experiences. Judgement develops through using your experiences, especially those you’ve lived through yourself.
When you outsource your decisions, you’re stalling your personal growth. You’re postponing building your own armoury of experiences and mistakes.
Your choices are an extension of you, reflecting a part of who you are. And that’s why the decision you make belongs to you.
So when someone else makes the decisions for you, you no longer are able to choose your own preferences or priorities. The decision doesn’t feel instinctive or personal.
This constant need for validation before acting works as a foil on your thinking.
Your decisions thereon begin to feel like external opinions rather than your own convictions.
Decision-Making Is Identity-Making
Start early and practice regularly. Let children learn to make one small decision each day. Let them see the consequences so they understand the repercussion of that decision.
It’s not too late for you too. Choose one small decision every day and make it without seeking advice from anyone.
Could be something like how you want to spend your time today, or what project to pursue, or how to solve a problem.
No guarantee it will be the best decision but it’ll be yours. You’ll learn to rely more on yourself. It will build your confidence and critical thinking.
The final objective is to stop believing that everyone else’s judgement is more trustworthy than your own.
True independence comes from confidence in yourself and your judgment. This is a skill that gets stronger with practice.
So start today. It’s never too late to begin something life altering. After all, every decision is a vote for the kind of person you’re becoming.
