If you’re a parent, then you’ve, without fail, heard it a zillion times.
“Can I have it?”
It could be anything. From a toy to a gadget or something in between. Sometimes it’s something they’ve discovered five minutes ago and suddenly can’t do without.
Saying yes to get over their incessant pestering appears to be the easiest thing to do. And if it’s affordable, then why not?
But watching my friends go through this drama, I had learned early on that it’s not just about the purchase.
Every time you’re buying something, you’re teaching your child something about money, and wanting. Along with self-control and saving, hopefully.
And as parents, aren’t these the lessons you’re hoping to teach them?
The Problem With Instant Gratification
Can’t blame the kids for wanting things. It’s all out there, enticing them with colourful ads and social media feeds.
Also everything is available immediately. Be it food or movies or clothes or gadgets. No waiting, no long queues. Online shopping has reduced waiting to a minor inconvenience.
Children begin to assume that wanting is the same as getting.
The gap between them wanting and them getting has blurred.
But that’s not how life works. You know that.
You know that the worthwhile things need your patience, effort, and thoughtful decision-making. It requires you to wait for it.
When children don’t experience this gap between desire and acquiring, they don’t develop this skill.
They don’t learn about judgement or evaluating or re-assessing.
Do you think they’ll be equipped for the future without understanding decision making?
Saving Changes the Relationship With Money
Once the kids were old enough to understand money (or that, it’s needed to buy things), we consciously decided to do something unconventional.
We asked them to save each month for something they wanted.
Each month had a new goal. What began in the early years with a chocolate, a bracelet, a fancy pen, moved to books, headphones, and even a laptop as they grew older.
When they began saving, they began looking at acquiring things differently. Their questions changed from “I want this”, to “Do I want this?”
They learnt about comparing costs, the value of the item (that’s different from the cost of the item), and the urgency of the need. Saving taught them to plan and then buy.
The focus shifted from impulse to intention.
They understood ownership when they contributed their own savings towards the purchase, even if partially. The value of the item changed because they paid for it, they participated in the decision.
That’s ownership of a different type. Now it gets transferred to ownership of decisions and actions and responsibilities.
That’s a powerful shift.
We’re Not Teaching Budgeting but Decision-Making
We were not teaching about becoming a Scrooge or stretching the rupee. Nor were we stressing on frugality or depriving them of simple joys of getting something new.
Every time they saved, planned, and eventually bought something, they proved to themselves that they could set a goal and achieve it.
What they were learning was about self-trust. Learning to trust themselves is a powerful asset.
Learning to save teaches them about delayed gratification. About making choices and living with them. About evaluating trade-offs. These are financial habits which dictate most of your adult life.
As parents, the goal is to raise children who have a healthy relationship with money, without getting overwhelmed or mismanaging it.
Because adults who understand that money is a tool for choice, freedom, and responsibility, know that it’s for something more than just for spending.
They understand this, and are ready, when they get their first salary.
But to reach here, they had begun much earlier with a small decision, with a little patience and the willingness to wait for something that mattered.
