Often saying a simple ‘NO’ takes up so much of your headspace that you wonder if saying ‘YES’ would’ve been a better option.
It gets exhausting, the internal dialogue, and then trying to ensure you’re convincing enough when you finally say it out loud.
This can happen in different scenarios, from your work, family, to your goals to even ambitions.
Then why does saying no look so difficult, and saying yes easy?
Social pressure. Maybe you don’t want to disappoint someone.
You end up saying yes to invitations you don’t want to go to, requests you don’t want to accept, and even commitments you don’t particularly care about.
Yes feels like an easier exit than spending hours looking for the acceptable exit route.
So, what does this whole dilemma mean?
The uncomfortable truth is that saying yes doesn’t always mean that what you’re doing matters to you.
Instead it’s your no, the one you were hesitant or doubtful about, that shows your commitment and focus.
Every Meaningful Yes Has a No Behind It
You’ll agree no is a powerful word. It expresses your decision, clarity of thought, focus and even level of commitment.
It’s a serious transaction most of the time. When you say no, you’re agreeing to give something up in exchange.
If you’re focused on improving at work, you may end up saying no to distractions that compete for your attention.
If it’s your health you want to focus on, you’ll find yourself saying no to unhealthy diet or a sedentary lifestyle.
You decide to spend more time with your family, then you’ve to say no to social commitments, or even work, to make more time.
It’s a trade-off of sorts. You’ve to consciously say no to some things to get something else, something more productive, in return.
I never thought this way until one of my students in the management class, a young professional, pointed out that the only reason he’s ready to sit through the three hours of the class on a Saturday evening is because he wants to improve his career prospects.
That really stuck with me.
By saying no to hanging out with friends on a Saturday evening, he has shown what his priority is, what matters to him more.
If you’re willing to let go, or postpone, or miss out on something for something that’s more important to you, you’ll never regret saying no.
Your No’s Draw the Boundaries of Your Life
It doesn’t mean saying no is always easy. Often people won’t understand. Sometimes you can lose out on opportunities. Maybe you’ll even end up disappointing someone.
But that’s the price you should be ready to pay.
On the other hand, if you end up saying yes to everything, you may not be left with the space you need to grow, to do the things that you actually value.
My friend disappeared for months because she was preparing for her C1 level exams. My husband wakes up at unearthly hours to practice for his upcoming marathons. My student gives up his Saturday evenings to improve his job prospects.
Their every no created the space for something more important to them.
So what you need to ask yourself is why do you keep saying yes to things even if you don’t value them?
Your response may tell you more about your priorities than any list of goals you’ve made. Maybe even reveal what you can walk away from to get the life you want.
If you think about it, a yes tells you what you choose while a no tells you what you’re willing to sacrifice for that choice.
